Tips on Coming Back to Dating After a Breakup

16.12.2019

There is no easy way out of a relationship. True, you may feel liberated after an oppressive relationship, you may feel happy, but it’s not always about your mood at any given time. In this case, it is about when you will be ready for a new relationship. Well, you can start a new one just after the previous one, right? Well, there’s more to dating right after a breakup than that.

Should People Rush to a New Relationship After the Breakup?

What is a rebound relationship?

Modern psychologists are actively discussing the so-called “rebound” relationships in which a person enters into a period of acute experiences after a breakup. Rebound relationships can occur even before the breakup, during the period of emotional separation of partners.

The experience of losing relationships lasts for different periods of time in different people. One will find it easy to take a break for a couple of months, while for others, the process can last for years. The duration and intensity of experiences depend on the individual characteristics of a person, on the quality of the relationship as well as on the time during which they lasted. For a person who has just survived a breakup, the idea that they will not withstand emotional pain is often characteristic and urgent need to find solace. In addition, years of unsatisfying relationships and, as a result, the feeling that a lot of time has been lost, can precede a breakup. There is a desire to make up for all the things that were lost right now, no matter what. In a rebound relationship, you can escape from obsessive thoughts and worries about the ex, get sexual satisfaction, fill up all the evenings and weekends that you would usually spend with your ex.

What do rebound relationships entail? It would seem that a person while moving away from suffering, tries to overcome spiritual pain, prove to themselves that life is not over, and you can continue to rejoice and have fun. The paradox of this “romance” is that it is experienced not like a mature love relationship at all.

How to identify rebound relationships?

Should I start dating after a breakup? Well, it depends on your mental state. A partner who has recently survived a breakup often recalls their ex with pain, fantasizes about them, talks about them with others, including a new partner. A new partner is more likely to have value for sex and comfort, a person after a breakup will find no interest in them as a person. Relationships can be maintained to be neither alone, nor single, and not at all for the sake of interest in a person and the value of shared experiences. If you or your partner use a ladies dating site or any other service for finding a partner – then maybe this relationship isn’t built on strong feelings but rather one’s desire to fill the void of their previous relationship with their new partner.

An indication of rebound relationships is frequent mood swings. As a rule, a person needs some time to get over a breakup. After a breakup, a person experiences many ambivalent (multidirectional) feelings for their ex: attachment, anger, guilt, shame, love, sadness. At the same time, in the early stages after a breakup, they are not able to clearly realize these feelings and their source, and they can spontaneously be drawn to a new partner.

There is also a desire to show that you are doing well to your ex. Social networks really help with that (you can show photos, videos, write optimistic posts to all your friends). The inability to sustain the damage caused by a breakup or a divorce to your own self makes you want to prove something to your ex.

Thus, a danger arises both for the survivor of a breakup and their new partner. The partner appears to be unknowingly used as a comforter, a backup plan. However, they are not treated as an individual, they are just there to fill the void. The one who seeks consolation is often quickly disappointed, as they were not ready for a love relationship.

The Main Signs That You Are Ready for a New Relationship

Whether you are a person who rushes into a whirlpool of new relationships headfirst or is cautious when dealing with new people, psychological unpreparedness for relationships can spoil even the most beautiful of people. We have identified five signs that you are ready for new relationships.

You do not dream about your ex

When should you start dating after a breakup? Surely you have an ex. And surely, a breakup, no matter who was the initiator, was painful. But time has passed, and it seems to you that you are ready to try yourself again in the love arena. First of all, make sure that you are not dreaming of your ex. This includes comparisons of the majority of the opposite sex with your ex (“Josh knew three languages”) and surfing their social networks for a new partner, and discussing the ex with friends and acquaintances (in fact, it does not matter with whom because this is your favorite topic). If you feel that at least one of these aspects is present in your life, then you are not ready for a new relationship. Do not compare yourself to others because a friend needed two weeks to forget their ex, but it may take you years to “reboot.” Believe me, the future partner will definitely feel that your attention is directed not at them but at your ex. If you feel like all of the thoughts about your ex have left your head, now is the time to get registered on a popular website to meet girls online and start dating someone new.

You are not trying to cope with loneliness or boredom

We sorted out the situation with your ex: you realize that a completed relationship is an experience; you mentally let go of the person and overcome your sorrow. You are bored, you want a romance, warmth, and affection, you are lonely, in the end! It would seem that now you can definitely look for a new partner! In no case should boredom or a feeling of loneliness be a motivation to build a new relationship? If you're bored, take a trip or hike or find a new hobby. If you are lonely, meet with your friends, invite your mother for a week, get a pet.

You are not looking for a relationship because everyone else is dating someone

So, you finally realized that a new relationship will not help you get rid of the inner feeling of emptiness and loneliness. You even decided to arrange nightly gatherings with friends, but the trouble is: they are busy because they have dates with their partners! Resist the urge to rush to a dating site or to the nearest bar to find someone (the keyword is “someone” because when you are lonely, it doesn’t matter with whom you are going to spend time). Now you are guided by a herd feeling, which is very difficult to resist. Come up with other activities to distract you.

You know what you want from a relationship

What if you find yourself desperately dancing around? You think you want a new relationship, but deep down you understand that dancing at the bar will not attract the attention of people around you in the way you imagined “and they lived together happily ever after.” Here is another sign of readiness for a new relationship: you know exactly what you want and behave accordingly. Let’s agree on something, isn’t it strange to look for random acquaintances at a nightclub, and then get upset that after a stormy night you were not asked for a phone number? If you do so, then perhaps you should admit to yourself that you are not ready for serious relationships.

You love yourself and your hobbies

If everything written above is not about you, then check yourself with this point: you are not ready to sacrifice your interests or tastes for the sake of a new person. Of course, in relationships, we often compromise, but when you didn’t go for your favorite dance lessons for the third time because you have a date, it means that you don’t need a relationship right now. Remember that love for yourself is directly proportional to love for a partner and guarantees you a healthy and lasting relationship.

Main Steps to Coming Back Dating After a Breakup

Now let’s look into the most effective steps through which you can come back after a breakup.

Step 1: Analyze mistakes

Here’s the first of dating after a breakup rules. We all make mistakes, and a conflict consists of two people, just as a relationship consists of two loving individuals. When a conflict arises – it means that you are not seeing eye to eye, and it all depends on the level of trust and understanding in your relationship. This doesn’t mean that no one is ever to blame for any issue in a relationship, but rather that you need to be more objective, go back in your memory and think of all the mistakes on your part. Maybe you were too jealous, maybe you were too clingy, realizing the existence of an issue is a big step forward in self-improvement. Dating too soon after a breakup will cause you to fall into the same old traps that you once fell in before.

Step 2: Develop yourself

How long after a breakup before dating? The best way to distract yourself after a breakup and get up after all the pain and stress is to develop yourself. Plunge headfirst into work, thus, you will feel yourself better due to all of your achievements, and you will have more money to enjoy the things you always wanted yet never had time for, which will only make it easier for you to come back.

Step 3: Update your accounts on social networks

Some people like to burn all the bridges after a bad relationship when everything is completely done, I am just like that. If you want to get over a relationship – delete all of their photos, all of their messages, update your account so as not to leave any trace of their existence. It would be quite painful to login to Instagram and see your random photo together.

Step 4: Spend more time outdoors

Do you plan on dating after a bad breakup? You should spend more time outside. While locking yourself at home, watching TV and eating ice-cream is the logical course of action, this is what you have to fight in this situation. Staying at home won’t cure your problems, as your brain will be more relaxed and thus, have more time to poison itself with all the thoughts about your ex and your breakup. Go outside and enjoy the life around you, there are beautiful things to see and incredible people to meet.

Step 5: Start a new relationship slowly

Having trouble dating after a breakup? The aftertaste of your previous relationship will linger… well… forever. Don’t panic just yet, we meant to say that it is now a part of your life, and you should treat it as just a part of your life, and this is a new beginning, a new person that will not be the same as your ex. But you should not dive headfirst into their arms and tell them of all the love in the world that you feel for them, part of this love is just feelings that were left after your previous relationship. Before you start a new relationship, you need to get yourself back to normal, to be a truly single person, not a person that is in pain and suffers the effects of their previous relationship. You will still seek to act in the same way as you did with your ex, even treat a new person in your life as you treated your ex, only time will cure this attitude.

Main Tips on How to Start Dating After a Breakup

To start a new relationship after a breakup or a divorce, it takes special courage. Letting a stranger into life is not easy, but, according to our experts, this also has undeniable advantages. It is at this time that the opportunity arises to create a happier future that is different from our past. Here are 3 tips for dating after a breakup.

Tip 1. Give them a chance to conquer you

Of course, at first, it will be difficult for you to imagine your joint future. Perhaps you will be afraid to open up and believe them because just recently you lost a loved one who betrayed and left you. But your new relationship should be built on unconditional trust.

Tip 2. Do not lie

In the case of casual dating after a breakup, you two know that this relationship is casual, but what if you want to have a serious relationship? You should be honest. You must not only believe your partner but demand the same from them. In addition to this, you must never deceive your partner yourself. Remember that loved ones are most often ready to accept and understand any, even the most bitter truth instead of listening to a constant stream of lies.

Tip 3. Do not think about your ex

You should also pay attention to the fact that in conversations with your new soulmate you should not mention your previous partner. If your loved one asks about past relationships, don’t linger on such a conversation for long, but never allow yourself to speak badly about what happened. They should not think that you are experiencing negative emotions.

Tip 4. Never try to compare your new relationships with the previous one

Here’s the last dating after breakup advice. At first, it may seem to you that your ex was better and more beautiful, sincerely treated you as an individual. Some people break up with their new lovers only because they cannot accept their character, which is very different from the character of their ex. Remember that you should accept your new partner as they are, and not try to change them.

While it is quite likely that you are not feeling that good right now, while you are reading this article, you must know that your life moves on, and while this doesn’t mean that the next person you are going to meet will be better in every conceivable way, it means that there is no reason to cling to one person, as imperfect as they are.