How to Break Up after a Long-Term Relationship: a Guide for Men

23.10.2017

When you first fall in love, the hopes and dreams you have for the relationship are countless. You don’t know if she’s about to be your future wife or it’s all just a short fling, but you know for sure that at this moment you are happy. Unfortunately, sometimes this feeling doesn’t last very long. At some point, every relationship approaches a crossroads where it either decides to move forward or slowly pulls back. During this transition period, both partners have to reconsider their feelings for each other and how both of them fit in with their common goals and plans. It is a truly difficult time that often leads to a breakdown of the entire relationship.

How to know that it’s time to break up

Whether you no longer see the happiness in the relationship, feel like you’re fed up or just feel that flame of love going out, it is important to end the relationship gracefully. This goes on until you discover yourself no more interested in those relations. Chances are, this girl turned out to be not only the person you loved so deeply but also somebody you used to call your best buddy. She was that kind of person you’ve given in pretty much for and right now all of that has to wash away. You may probably ask “When is it time to break up?” and now we’d like to provide an answer to that. So, how to know when it’s time to break up? Luckily, if you keep your mind sober and your eyes open, there are often specific signs that things have changed for the worse. And while some of them might be expected, there are always the others that come as more of surprise. Thus, here’s what you need to look out for:

1. No joint decisions

Your favorite music band is in town next weekend, but you don’t really want to buy the tickets. You’ve been invited to your brother’s wedding ceremony, but you haven’t shown up. She postpones a date over a friend’s birthday dinner, but she hasn’t asked for your opinion.

When a couple is on their way to breakup, they usually don’t consult with each other or have a serious difficulty planning the future. It can be a subconscious way to avoid making promises to someone or an obvious sign that you or your partner doesn’t have faith in the relationship enough to consider it worthwhile maintained.

2. She’s out of humor

Constantly walking in a bad mood with you near can be a symptom that she’s feeling guilty a lot. That one can obviously indicate different things, but when it comes to thinking over a breakup, women are often depressed or withdrawn. If you reckon that you just can’t do anything right in her eyes, you may need to ask her what’s going wrong.

3. She’s blaming you for growing inert

Pretty much of a signal, huh? Breaking up with a formerly loved person isn’t fun, so it is not unusual for somebody to try to put it all on you. Either your girl acts unbearably so you can't tolerate her complaints any more so that she hopes you’ll break up with her or just start accusing yourself of not caring enough. It’s really hurtful and just makes a bad condition worse, but it happens all the time. Is it time to break up? What do you think?

4. She prefers to stay alone

This is a really evident signal that something isn’t alright about your relationship anymore. If your girlfriend wants a lot of time to be alone, not just the usual “my private time”, she’s definitely trying to distance herself from you and spend fewer minutes around. Asking for private time on a regular basis is a clear note that she is no longer interested in being with you.

5. Fights have become more frequent

In the healthy relations, fights are as unavoidable as the snow in winter. Still, you might have noticed that lately your lovely girl seems to be initiating more fights groundlessly and getting into an argument over the dumbest things. This may happen because she is planning her eventual escape and trying to distance herself from you and your relationship in general. Fights ramp up tension and take some of the guilt off her.

6. Less communication

Before the recent days, communication used to be entertaining, meaningful and everlasting, and it just flowed. You used to tell jokes and she’d make comments that would make both of you roll on the floor laughing. However, things have changed dramatically and now talking in person is lifeless and compelled. When talks become boring and useless, it’s a big red flag signifying that something is going awfully wrong.

7. You feel no bond

In certain moments you two seemed to be inseparable. You enjoyed being around her and how she’d make you feel. You felt linked on a variety of levels. But now you feel the complete opposite of how you used to. You don’t feel as loved as previously and she doesn’t make any efforts to restore it.

How to break up in a long-term relationship

Putting an end to any kind of relationship is always painful, but shutting down a durable relationship is insufferable. There can be no easy breakup lines. While you were engaged in a relationship for a continuous period of time, your lives got more interlaced and your feelings will likely be reaching much deeper. However, there are ways you can deal with this situation if you are concerned about ending your long-lasting relationship.

1. How to break up with a girl without hurting her

The most frequent question people ask when attempting to quit their relationships is “How to break up with someone without hurting them?”

Firstly, avoid starting this conversation via the phone. Discuss it with your girl in private. Talking about the breakup through a text message or a phone call can appear to be soulless, selfish and just plain impolite. Make an effort, bite the bullet and do it personally.

Secondly, breakups can be very emotional issues. Show your dignity by providing your girl a tranquil and secluded place where you’ll have this talk without being suddenly interrupted, whether it is at your home or in a quiet corner of a park. Don’t take her to a romantic place, such as her favorite café, as that can lead to the misunderstanding and tell her that everything is okay between you two.

The final point of how to break a relationship without hurting is being totally sincere with her. Beware of the catch of acting poorly and compelling your partner to initiate the breakup first turning tail from doing it yourself. Be straight, but polite with her, do not play for time and, most of all, do not step on the cowardly road by abusing her in one way or another.

2. How to get over a very painful breakup

Get rid of the painful memory triggers

There is tons of stuff out that will keep on reminding of your ex- songs you enjoyed listening to together, the smell of her perfume, magazines she liked to read. Having these things all around your apartment can make it harder to heal from the breakup. Put away all of the items that fill your heart with anger and pain or make your stomach turn inside out. It can wonder how easy it will be for you to recover.

Hang out

When the relationship is gone, it is absolutely alright to take some time just for yourself at home. Only make sure you will get back in the world after you settle everything down in your head. Make plans, do something along with your friends and have fun! It may feel unhandy at first, but you’ll get over it with time and time will help you feel better. Getting out and doing things to distract your thoughts is also of great importance as you need to keep developing and maintaining your social relations after the breakup. Doing so will help you to move your life on to a whole new level.

Surround yourself with good people

In these times you will want some supportive people around you who appreciate you and who will make you feel better about yourself. Surrounding yourself with kindly compassionate friends and family members will help you see yourself as a worth person, and you will find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones nearby.

Find healthy ways to relieve your emotional pain

Of course, you may try to drown your pain and sorrow in gallons of liquor, but well, what will it change? It may be your first instinct in attempt to dull your pain by turning to alcohol or drugs, but those will not provide the profound solution. Steer away from these unhealthy methods of dealing with emotional pain. Instead, try to find ways that will lead to spiritual growth and recovery.

Sometimes it’s better off as two

No doubt, being off single for some time gives you a unique chance to figure out what you want to see in a perfect relationship. Naturally, you don’t want to date somebody like your ex in future, so what qualities would you like to see in your next lover? Being single gives you the rare possibility to answer that question with a sober mind. Now you have the most valuable resource – time, to reconsider and reset your priorities right. As the life changes, so do we, and so do our needs and wishes. These days, being single we can explore what sort of character we like or can’t stand in a partner. No doubt, time spent in a poor relationship is time wasted finding the right one. Additionally, reminding yourself of all things that annoyed you about your former crush can also be useful when thinking of the positive sides of your breakup. For example, make up a list of the reasons explaining why you are way better off without your ex.

It would be appropriate here to finish the topic with a slightly revised quotation by George Washington – “It’s better to be single than in a bad company”.