How to Improve Your Relationship after Cheating

23.08.2017

Why We Cheat? An Honest Insight

There are many reasons why people cheat. According to the statistics, almost one-third of all couples experienced cheating. Reasons why people cheat include sexual dissatisfaction, alcohol, and drug abuse, depression, lack of attraction, personal problems, characters flaws, etc. There is no one certain answer to the question why do people cheat. It appears that each person has its own individual reasons for cheating. However, as the problem of cheating remains, psychologists and marriage counselors defined some widespread qualities characteristic for cheating per se. There is a chance for your relationship not to end with just one incident, so read the following guide and try your best to avoid cheating for the benefit of your own happiness.

Can you continue a relationship after cheating? The answer is two-fold: yes and no. It depends on what kind of person you are and how you and your partner will get along after cheating. One thing is certain, though. Your relationship after cheating will be stressful and challenging for some time. It is similar to a person who gets ill and needs time to recover. Same goes for relationships. Cheating is a disease and to recover from it partners need to make an effort and spend some time.

Why Do Men Cheat?

Relationship specialists and psychologists claim that men most often cheat on their women because they are not satisfied sexually. It also means that a man loses attraction to his partner. However, for the sake of emotional connection men lie and try covering their tracks because they are neither honest enough to confess nor cruel enough to just say it in the face. In other words, they don’t want to offend their partners even though the act of cheating is the main source of offense.

Men cheat primarily because they like to get sexual pleasure without leaving their relationship/family. Paradoxically, it means that somehow they care about their partners but are frustrated by their physical needs. Usually, after a couple years of serious relationships partners become used to each other and the level of their sexual attraction decreases. Couples whose feelings for each other are strong enough are able to overcome this period spicing up their sex life or clinging to something more important like mutual interests. For others, sexual dissatisfaction becomes a reason for a breakup.

Another reason men cheat on their partner is because romance and passion fade away with time alongside with sexual attraction. What most people don’t expect is responsibility prevailing over romance. Relationship counselors claim with confidence that passionate romance is only one stage in relationships that comes first but does not define relationships completely. Therefore, it is inappropriate to build relationships and choose partners basing on looks, physical attraction, and sexual pleasure. Relationships that are based on these foundations are usually short-term.

Finally, men can cheat under the influence of a moment without certain serious reasons to do so. A number of studies and statistics data show that men can cheat “accidentally” while under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs. It appears to be true that sometimes this kind of cheating does not need a man’s intention but depends on precise circumstances.

Why Do Women Cheat?

A lot of reasons why men cheat can also be applied to women’s cheating. However, statistics show that women are more monogamous than men. Still, sexual dissatisfaction can push women to cheat just as well. Women claim that their partners’ inability to make them experience orgasm is one of the reasons they might cheat on their partner. Unlike men, women need a special approach and do not have an orgasm each time they have sex.

Mostly, though, women cheat not because of physical reasons. When women cheat they feel unappreciated, lonely, and ignored. Women who cheat crave attention and want to be desired. Having a new partner puts them on stage 1 in a relationship when everything is about romance, passion, and sex. Women also like to engage in emotional contact often so troublesome for men. Psychologists say that almost half of women after a couple years of serious relationship fear their partners lost interest in them.

Statistics say women are less likely to cheat accidentally while being under the influence of drugs or alcohol. However, deeper problems like doubting their partner’s feeling or a demand of attention usually push women towards infidelity.

How to Turn Your Relationships Around After Cheating?

So, reading this, you probably wondered: can a relationship be saved after cheating? There is no certain answer to this question. Everything depends on situation and people involved. Still, the best way of dealing with such situation is to make an effort to find the most productive way out of it. This requires you to have faith and be hopeful.

This first advice on how to fix a relationship after cheating is to come clean. The one who cheated must admit his guilt and apologize. Without it, there is no reason to continue. Let’s make certain that we are talking here about classic one-on-one monogamous relationships. In relationships of this kind, there is no place for cheating or love triangles. The reason is obvious: it hurts and makes people suffer.

Seek Counseling

First and most important advice for couples who experienced infidelity is to visit a psychiatrist or any other kind of relationship counselors (for example, life coaches). Statistics say that partners who visit a psychologist for a couple’s therapy are more likely to continue their relationship after cheating. Willingness to visit a psychologist itself is a healthy sign. However, many people deny visiting a therapist out of fear to admit they have problems or because of some prejudices.

A psychologist acting as the third party can help a couple realize their problems and deal with the consequences of infidelity. Two partners in a relationship both see things from their subjective individual positions. Their perspectives don’t let them see the whole picture clearly. Therefore, a psychotherapist can reduce stress and depression as well as quarrels between the partners and help them to stay together if only that’s what they want.

Define What Caused Cheating

In order to save the relationship after cheating, it is crucial for partners to define what caused it in the first place. It is important to know for those asking how to make a relationship work after cheating that a mistake is likely to happen again if the reasons that caused it stay unknown. You should have a conversation with your partner and try figuring out why you or he/she cheated. The reasons can be different but it is highly advised not to take “I don’t know” as an answer. Remember that cheating in relationships is always caused by something. If you don’t know the reasons, then you wouldn’t be able to recover and deal with the problem.

Make Sure Cheating Will Never Happen Again

So, whether it is you or your partner who cheated, you or he/she need to eliminate a possibility of cheating in the future. It doesn’t mean making blood oaths or controlling each other. A simple but truthful promise is enough to start recovering. If a person who cheated doesn’t feel guilty, cheating would happen again. A partner who is monogamous in this case will simply end the relationship. Most people, according to statistics, claim that cheating one time is a maximum. Everything said here can be applied to one-time cheating or cheating with one person. In all other cases, it is better for the partners to consider a breakup. One time is exclusion but two times do not differ much from 10 times. A person who cheats all the time will only hurt his/her partner again and again making it intolerable for him/her to continue staying in a relationship.

Spice Up Your Sex Life

If cheating was strictly physical and sexual, spicing up a couple’s sex life can help. In order to bring back sexual attraction and passion, you can make sexual intercourse with your partner interesting again. Sexologists advise starting with trying new different positions. Next step is to make right set and setting. Try having sex in unusual places other than your home. You can rent a room or do it in a sauna. You can also choose a couch over a bed. You have limitless possibilities here and the choices are all yours. Just make it different. Sexologists also suggest using sex toys and/or exotic sexual clothes like underwear and costumes. Doing all this can make your sex life more interesting and increase your and your partner’s attraction to each other.

How to Regain Trust After Cheating in a Relationship?

Regaining trust is the main objective in a relationship after cheating. Both partners if they are willing to stay together need to make changes about their attitude and approach to each other. This is a difficult journey for both partners as they usually start from “ground zero”. Some couples even start live separately or begin “dating”. Some partners decide to take a break, some go traveling, etc.

If you’re asking how to fix a relationship after cheating, then you need to define what is best for yourself and meet the expectations of your partner. Remember that relationships depend on mutual care, understanding, support, and trust. Without these most important elements two people cannot be together for long, they can’t plan their future, and they definitely can’t evolve into a family. Cheating requires both partners to be twice as caring, honest, and understanding.

Check Each Other

Let’s assume you or your partner has not allowed monitoring browser history or searching through each other’s phones before cheating occurred. After cheating came out allow your partner to look into your phone and monitor browser history and be willing to do the same with your partner’s phone and internet history. This is a display of openness.

Do What You’ve Always Wanted to Do

Cheating that was revealed can make both partners clearly state their demands and worries. This makes it possible to deal with them and other problems. For example, you’ve always wanted to go to Mexico for a long vacation or your partner has always wanted to buy a red convertible. Do it now. Such changes serve as a checkpoint in relationships and can be a good distraction from negative emotions brought by infidelity.

Learn How to Communicate

In order for you to understand your partner, you need to learn how to communicate effectively. Start by having regular serious talks about what happened. Do it each week like it was a meeting with a psychiatrist. Plan your future. Make your interpretations of a cheating episode. Reassure each other that you want to continue being together. It is better to use logical arguments and do not depend on emotions and feelings. Begging won’t get you far, so don’t rely on something that is not solid. Instead, look in the future because your past, like it or not, was heavily damaged by cheating. Talk everything out and don’t have any secrets. Remember that the worst already happened and what is now at stake is your future. Choose whether you two really want to spend it together or not.

Break All Connections with a Person You or Your Partner Cheated With

It is highly important for you and your partner to quit talking/seeing a person with whom you/your partner cheated with. Just stop it instantly once and for all. Delete this person’s phone number and delete him/her from friends. Stop seeing him/her. Make sure this person won’t be able to see you when he/she wants. If you want to save your relationship, then the person you or your partner cheated with should stop existing for you.

Now, hope for the best and stay cautious. Both of you will need some time to get better. Spend this time together or separate but make certain plans about your future. Hold on to your plans and communicate effectively. Try your best to understand each other. Try your hardest and stick to positive emotions. Look on a bright side wherever and whenever it is possible. Good luck!