7 Ways to Increase Your Self-Esteem

08.02.2019

Often failures at work, problems in personal life and dissatisfaction with appearance lower our self-esteem. But as soon as we increase it a little bit, many reasons to enjoy life and be proud of our achievements arise. Self-esteem is what controls our whole being! That is why we recommend you read about a few ways to help build self-esteem and take action today!

The first source of strong self-esteem is the unconditional love of a mother or father, as they are our main role models in childhood. We will always be good for them, regardless of our merits or achievements and if it isn't so and we do not receive proper love and care, this affects our whole self-perception.

The second source is the reaction of the elders to our achievements. A child, showing their drawing, reading a poem learned by heart, or bringing home their first marks from school expects to hear praise, cheers or just meet the admiring glance of a mom, dad, and other adults. In this way, adults fill us with a sense of self-worth and self-esteem. But what happens if they don’t? If you would like to increase your self-esteem, then follow our advice. Today we are going to talk about self-esteem.

What Is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is how high or low a person assesses their personal qualities and capabilities. Sometimes self-assessment is referred to as an assessment process, but more often, self-esteem is about the result of the assessment itself, that is the final live opinion or a person’s feeling about themselves.

With all the proximity of these notions, self-esteem should be distinguished from self-attitude: attitude toward oneself includes self-love and self-esteem, self-acceptance as well as elements of self-accusation. The easiest way to talk about self-esteem is to define high and low self-esteem.

Heightened Self-Esteem

A person with this type of perception of their personality is inclined to exaggerate their own merits and success. Sometimes this is accompanied by the ability to downplay the abilities of others. Such a person usually considers their success solely their own merit and underestimates the role of external factors. However, in the case of experiencing failures in sports and at work, or having been cheated on, such people blame circumstances or other people instead of themselves. They react painfully to criticism and are ready to aggressively defend their position. The result of heightened self-esteem is trouble communicating with others and problems with self-realization.

Low Self-Esteem

People with low self-esteem underestimate their importance and abilities. They are sure that they have achieved something by chance, with the help of other people, by luck, but never by their own efforts. If a person does not say that, but they sacredly believe in it, this is not a sign of being shy or trying to get compliments but a real problem of low self-esteem. Such people react to compliments with distrust or even aggressive rejection. A person with low self-esteem always doubts themselves and therefore, they have problems with self-realization. Such people can become victims of abuse in teenage years or domestic violence in marriage. They choose only those goals, which are obviously easy to achieve because they are scared to change anything.

Why Self-Esteem Can Be Low?

Of course, it’s good to have great self-esteem, but it’s not so easy to achieve, and the magic fastest way to build self-esteem doesn’t exist. Part of the problem is that this process is unstable: one day a person can feel great, but the next day they can burst out crying because of the unimportant daily problems. The situation is even more complicated when we try to assess ourselves in specific areas of life (family, sport, work). For example, if dinner is not tasty enough, the chef will be much more upset than a person who doesn’t consider cooking an important aspect of their identity.

It is important to think adequately: heightened self-esteem can make a person very vulnerable. They will feel positive most of the time, but any criticism will cause a sharp reaction. And this hinders the psychological development of a person greatly. The level of self-esteem affects all human actions. Self-esteem of the personality can often be too low, that means the real capacity of a person to do something is higher than the perception of a person about it. Usually, this happens because the formation of self-esteem occurs mainly in childhood when the person still develops and easily absorbs any criticism or abuse from the side. That is why toxic relationships in student years are dangerous, they can become a root cause of depression and psychological traumas for the rest of their life.

In addition, a serious impact is made by the negative environment. As a rule, overestimating self-esteem is typical for very young people. And for adults, there is a reverse situation.

Tips to Increase Self-Esteem

Let's determine when our well-being really goes up. Do you think this happens when you praise or admire yourself? Perhaps, it may be so, but such growth is usually negligible. Most of all, our self-esteem grows when we allow ourselves to do what is best for us. It's not about your desire of convenience but about the opportunity to get profit in the situation.

So, one of the ways to build healthy self-esteem is to do what is good for you and stop self-flagellation! For example, your girlfriend lives in the city center, but your home location is far away. Despite that fact, you insist on meeting on your territory instead of going to her. It turns out that you kill two birds with one stone: you don't only win at your girlfriend but also make the world around you play by your rules. Therefore, very often, people do it unconsciously: even if it does not matter to them, they still try to insist on their own opinion. These processes are interrelated, by doing what is beneficial for us, we increase our self-esteem, which allows us to change people and the situation in the world as a whole. Here are 7 main tips that will help you increase your self-esteem and rock this world!

Don't Look Back

You can do that only to make a list of your past achievements. It should not necessarily consist of something monumental. The list may include small victories, for example, you have learned to snowboard, got a driver's license, started attending a gym, etc. Regularly check this list. When reading your achievements, try to close your eyes and feel the pleasure and joy that you felt at that moment.

Be content with yourself. Express your ego not with artificially created beauty but with sincerity of thoughts, kind heart, and clear mind. If you are looking for how to love yourself and increase self-esteem, direct your efforts deep into yourself and develop your personality.

It is impossible to devote yourself only to other people and their lives otherwise, you will dissolve in their problems. Of course, it is necessary to encourage a friend while losing weight or help them chill out after a bad relationship. However, you should realize the fact that you attract all the people around you with your personality. And if you turn into a twin of your beloved partner or copy the life of someone from your idols, then life will become fake and uninteresting.

Use all possible ways to increase your self-esteem, become individual and unusual, look after your own achievements, discover new sides of your personality and do not obsess about your past failures. No one is perfect, and your idols made mistakes as well, so you should let your past away and remember how your life experiences have helped you become who you are now and made your personality better.

Avoid Negative Self-Talk

There will always be people who are richer than you, more successful in the spheres you would like to achieve great results, slimmer than you or younger, and this is natural. Why do you waste time by doing comparisons and hurting yourself even more? After all, if Marilyn Monroe was worried about the fact that she didn't have the perfect model parameters, would she have become a legendary woman? And if Coco Chanel was spending all her time, blaming herself for her imperfections, which she couldn’t even change, would she have invented a "little black dress" and many other cool things?

Stop abusing, objurgate and reproach yourself. Your self-esteem will be falling lower each day if you constantly call yourself stupid or not worth anything. People around actually see you as a whole and never pay attention to the small, maybe even imaginary, things you hate so much about yourself.

Try not to use abusive words in your address, but rather replace them in your lexicon with something more pleasant. For example, call yourself "honey," "love," "dear," "amazing," "the most creative," etc. Even if you do not believe in it, look in the mirror and smile back to your reflexion, it takes nothing to say you are ugly, but to truly love yourself and believe in how amazing your appearance is very hard work. Praise your appearance, even the smallest successes, and achievements both in a career and in personal life.

Forget about "not." Cease the using of negative expressions in your address. For example, "I'm not slender," "I cannot," "I'm not good enough/ smart enough" and so on. Replace them with positive statements, which should be mentioned as often as possible, and they will help increase self-esteem. For example, "I will succeed," "everything will be fine," "I have stunning eyes" etc.

Chat with People Who Love You

Communicate with positive and self-confident people. If there are some whistles, pessimists and energy vampires in your environment, it's not surprising that you constantly have a bad mood. Protect yourself from communication and friendship with "negative personalities." No wonder there is a saying, "It is better to be alone than with whoever." Learn to receive compliments from people too. Accept compliments and greetings with gratitude. In response to your friends, colleagues, or lover’s pleasant words, do not object. Just smile and say, "Thank you."

Analyze people in your life and find out the essence of your relationship with them. What do you get in return for your efforts to please them? How much are these people stronger or weaker than you? Perhaps if you objectively evaluate your environment, you will see that you give people more than you receive from them. Then you will have to change your circle of communication and maintain relations only with those people who are capable of an equal relationship. Stay away from people who want you to cheer them up around the clock after a breakup.

Allow others to do something for you. You consider yourself strong enough to take care of yourself independently, but you should also be able to engage in other people's lives, and these people should be better positive.

Do What Makes You Happy

You can do anything you want if it brings you pleasure, and you can achieve results in this area and be proud of. For example, salsa lessons that will result in your plastic dance at a club party or cooking that will teach you delicious exclusive recipes. You can develop, improve and create your favorite business. Who knows, maybe in the future you can publish a book on how not to give up and make your hobby the work of the lifetime.

Always do what you like or at least, distract yourself from the hated work and switch to the preferred hobby as soon as you start to feel negative emotions and have a little time to relax. It's hard to feel positive about yourself if you spend your days at work you despise. Self-esteem flourishes when you are engaged in a job or some other activity that brings you pleasure and gives you the opportunity to feel more valuable. Even if your work is not quite your vocation in life, you can devote your free time to hobbies that bring joy and allow you to self-develop.

Everyone Makes Mistakes

No matter how banal it sounds, your habit to compare yourself with others is not only detrimental to self-esteem but also meaningless. Usually, people aren't aware of the lives of others and see only a beautiful facade, not suspecting what it's cost them or how much efforts the person has made to reach certain results as well as what challenges they have faced. Remember that you should compare yourself only with a person who you were yesterday, so focus on your own progress, your dreams and goals, track the result and celebrate your victories and achievements without looking back at others.

Never forget your strong sides and do not be too harsh to yourself. Make a list of the strong qualities that you possess just for personal use, and you will see that you are really good at many things, even if they are small and insignificant for others, but they are still important to you. Be honest with yourself and get out of false modesty. It is not necessary to come up with outstanding qualities, the next things will be enough: cleaning the room, doing your bed, finishing everything you have got involved in, good memory and so on. Every week reread this list and, if possible, enter new items there. There are no perfect people. We all make mistakes and not always they happen because of our faults.

Set a Small Goal and Achieve It

Create a list of your positive qualities to understand what directions you can work in. Are you honest to others? Are you creative? Be supportive and write down at least 20 of your positive qualities. As with the previous list, it's important to reread this list more often. Many people focus on their shortcomings, reinforcing self-esteem on their own, and then wonder why everything is not as good as it would be desirable in their lives. Start focusing on your preferences and you will have a much greater chance of achieving what you want.

Define your strong sides and develop them. Self-evaluation is based on real achievements in those spheres of life that are important to you. If you are proud of yourself when you cook a delicious dinner, then invite guests more often and treat them with something delicious. If you run well, apply it to a sporting event and get ready to it. Determine which areas you are best at and look for opportunities to emphasize it.

Because promising yourself to lose 15 kg in a month, to learn English in three weeks or charging yourself with several working projects with tight deadlines, you doom yourself to disappointment in advance. The method of small steps is much more effective. It has a lot to do with time management it is also called “Eat the elephant one bite at a time.” Each large-scale task (whether it is a regular project at work or an intention to become more athletic and establish a healthy diet) can be easily divided into many small stages, and it isn't so hard to track the result after each small step. The joy of even a small victory will inspire you and make you keep moving forward. And having completed the path, you will be surprised at how much work you have done, and how it has improved your self-esteem.

Empower Yourself with Knowledge

You can understand how to increase self-esteem (and indeed to find peace of mind), using the ageless principle of "knowing yourself." It is much more difficult to follow it than it may seem: the lucky few have the courage to find their recognition and, in accordance with the recommendations of the legendary Steve Jobs, “to follow their hearts.” It is much easier to subordinate the choice of occupation and lifestyle to established stereotypes. As a result, without really understanding our own needs, goals, and desires, we sometimes live not the life we would want to, continually experiencing frustration and dissatisfaction with ourselves.

Ask yourself the following questions as often as possible, "What do I like to do? What do I do to become better than others? What kind of person do I want to be in ten years? How do I imagine my old age?" A clear awareness of your desires and consistent work on them is an indispensable condition for healthy self-esteem.

Attend workshops, read books, listen to the audios and videos on how to enhance self-esteem. Any information that you absorb puts down roots and affects your behavior. Dominant information affects your actions in a dominant way. If you watch negative TV programs or read news reports in a criminal chronicle, your mood will most likely be leaning on the cynical and pessimistic side. Similarly, if you read books or listen to programs that are positive and able to increase your self-esteem, you will receive certain useful qualities from them.

In Conclusion

In the long run, mistakes, small failures, and catastrophic failures happen to everyone, the question is only how to react to them. Desperate self-destruction may seem to be an effective method to someone, but in reality, it only undermines our belief in ourselves, it is programming us to be unsuccessful and forces us to give up at the first difficulties. It is important to learn how to distinguish between assessing the situation and assessing yourself, your qualities and abilities. At the same time, you should not refuse your own emotions and say what you feel.

You are a unique person with huge potential and ability to change your own world. As your self-esteem will grow, your true abilities will be revealed. You will begin to take on greater risk and not be afraid of failure. You will not be guided by the approval of other people. Your relationships will be much healthier and happier. You will do what brings joy and pleasure to you. Most importantly, high self-esteem will bring you peace of mind, and you will really truly appreciate yourself.

If you do not believe in your strength, why do others have to believe in you? The key to the success of all the great and self-confident people is that they sincerely believe in what they are doing, guided only by their desires, fantasies, thoughts, and choices. You can also do that! You have the power to change your life.