Introvert's Guide to Dating

22.01.2018

Every time you come for a date, your heart stops beating. And 10 minutes before the appointed time, you’re ready to cancel everything. And there always comes a moment when you don’t know what to think, and, after saying the first few words, you become silent and start panicking. You are an introvert.

Unfortunately for us, introverts, there are no options – we have to go on dates, answer the same questions to different people about who you are, what you love, and what you do dozens of times. And get out of your cozy home in a big and noisy world and let a person you see for the first time close. It’s a real nightmare. But hey! Do you want to find love? Then you have to go through it. There’s no other way to do it, so it’s time to pull yourself together. So, how to overcome shyness and not turn your date into a disaster?

Dating as an introvert: rules and tips

Here are a couple of main tips for you to be sure that your date goes smoothly. Consider them your introvert guide to dating. And who knows, maybe you’ll manage to ask your companion out on a second date.

Learn more about your new companion

There is nothing shameful in poking around her social media accounts for an hour or two and gathering a small dossier. This way your companion will no longer be a total stranger to you, and you won’t treat her with suspicion. At the very least, you’ll have some facts on your hands that will help you start the conversation and keep it going. Let her tell you about her trip to Tibet last year, ask her how things are going in her hometown and what motivated her to become a florist. She’ll have something to talk about, and you can just be quiet and listen.

Find a safe place

Dating as an introvert is much more comfortable in places where everyone already knows you, where you have your own table, and where you can say “As always” to a bartender. That’s why, if you want to turn your date into success, you should pick a place like this. You don’t have to step over yourself and ask the waiter where the toilet is.

Choose the right things to do

Cafes have always been and still remain the main place for dates. But staring a cup of espresso and painfully trying to keep a dying dialogue going is a true nightmare for an introvert. Actually, to keep any dialogue about anything going, introverts waste as much energy as an average power plant produces over a year. Therefore, leave all those cafes and restaurants for extraverts and go on a date to a place where you both can do something, and where you won’t need to talk too much, nervously looking for topics for a conversation. In summer, choose an amusement park, where you can ride some rollercoasters, just scream, and then talk about how cool it was. In winter, go to the ice rink. At any time of the year, the movie theater will be an excellent spot, where you can keep silent for the first two hours of the date. In short, any activity, where you’re shoulder to shoulder and not face to face, will do.

Emphasize your virtues

That is, you need to be completely sure that you won’t feel embarrassed after the date. One of the worst introvert dating problems is that they’re too afraid to look ridiculous or do something stupid. That’s why the first date isn’t the best moment for learning to skate, especially if the last time you stepped on a skating rink was when you were the third grade (and even then the experience was brief and shameful). Since skating isn’t your type of entertainment, look for something that will make it possible to show your talents at their best, even if they’re quite weird or rare.

Don’t try to act like an extrovert

Because you’re clearly not this type of person. And when the introvert tries to act like a sociable guy, his companion usually notices it right away. Besides, you’re unlikely to last more than half an hour, and then you’ll feel the overwhelming desire to run home and stay in your bedroom for at least a month. And who said that the success of a date depends on your ability to demonstrate the incredible charisma skill? About a half of women in the world will confirm that a silent partner doesn’t mean a bad partner. You don’t know, maybe she thinks that introvert dating is cool.

You can be shy for as long as you like

It's even sweet when a person honestly says that he is terribly worried. It’s better to tell the truth right away and explain to your companion that you don’t talk much because you’re nervous and not because she doesn’t meet your expectations, and now you’re trying to make up a quick plan to run away through the back rooms and the fire escape.

Use body language

Since your tongue doesn’t belong to you anymore, and you don’t know what else to say, remember that most of the information you get from a person is non-verbal. So make an effort and sit as if you’re on your couch at home and look your partner in the eye. Yes, we realize that this can be too difficult for an introvert, but it’s still much easier than trying to come up with a normal question for half an hour and then ask: “Do you like sandwiches?”

Be laconic and mysterious

Leave some room for imagination. Give your new friend time to get to know you better. The real purpose of the first date is to arouse curiosity. At this moment, both of you are asking yourself the same questions: “Is it interesting for me to spend more time with this person? Do I want to know more about him/her?” And if the answer is yes, you can think about what will happen during your second date. But you don’t need to suddenly end the date before you say too much about yourself.

Being an introvert and dating at the same time isn’t easy. But what if it’s you who has to deal with someone who doesn’t like to open to others?

How to date an introvert girl

First of all, you should realize that introverts aren’t aliens or antisocial individuals. The only difference between them and other people is that they take their energy from within, not from others around. Therefore, they sometimes need to “shut down” and hide from the society to reboot the system, and their behavior may seem strange because of this. Here are some things to know before dating an introvert and a couple of tips in case you already date one of them.

Introvert doesn’t like pointless talks

The first thing you need to know about dating an introvert girl is that her social energy is limited, so she sees no point in spending it on what’s not important. Deep, adult conversations attract her much more than all those “how are you” talks that seem insincere to her. She enjoys face-to-face communication and doesn’t tolerate meaningless chats.

Introvert hates phones

You know, there’s a dating rule, according to which, you should wait 2 or 3 days before calling your companion again. Call, not write because it’s more personal and pleasant. But introverts find it hard both to call and write messages. Phone calls distract them, break through their protective barrier, and they often involve meaningless chatting. So if you call an introvert, speak quickly and tell what you want. Yes, if you’re an extrovert dating an introvert, it will be difficult for you to understand this. Oh, and if you don’t get through, leave a voice message: at this moment your girlfriend is probably sitting in front of the phone begging it to stop ringing.

Don’t chat online too much

If you chose messages instead of calls, don’t write them 9-to-5 and don’t expect her answering to everything you write. The message itself already drives her mad, not to mention that she’ll have to answer it. Especially if she knows that it may start a pointless conversation.

She must be sure of your sincerity

Showing true interest in what she does and likes, providing her much-needed support, and following the thread of the conversation – that's what she really appreciates. Well, dating an introvert is hard, what did you expect?

Don’t force her to change her plans

“What are you doing tonight?” – introverts are scared of messages like this. Your girlfriend was probably planning an evening on the couch, with her favorite movies, pizza, and Cola, and she’s unlikely to change her plans because of you. So you’d better ask her out in advance.

Introvert needs time for herself

This is one of the most important tips for dating an introvert. If you don’t need time for yourself, fine. Go where you want, and don’t make her go with you (or feel guilty because she didn’t go). Yes, she can spend the whole weekend at home, leave a party early, or stop talking to a person in the middle of a conversation, but that doesn’t mean that you need to do the same.

She will always listen to you and support you

She really wants you to be happy! If you need a companion to do something crazy, the introvert is not the best choice. But if you agree to talk less and give your partner a place and time to be alone, everything will be fine.

Introvert dating sites

Online dating is perfect for introverts. It’s hard to meet that special someone that will share your dreams, goals, and habits, but for introverts, this is even more difficult. And for some of them, dating services are the only way to find love. But there are not so many good ones. Here are a couple of decent dating sites for introverts.

Match.com

This website will guarantee you the best online dating experience possible. One of its major features and advantages is a detailed questionnaire where you can specify what traits you want to see in your future life partner. After you fill it, the matching algorithm picks the best possible candidate for you. Unfortunately, the website’s membership isn’t free, so to enjoy its services, you need to pay a monthly membership fee.

Meet Up

This introvert dating site doesn’t share much in common with other dating services you may find on the web. Basically, it’s a mix of a dating site and a social network. This service allows users to join certain groups of interests to find a potential partner with common tastes and goals. And of course, the website has several groups dedicated to introverts.

eHarmony

The site’s matching algorithm guarantees that you meet the one you’re looking for. Some of the website’s features, like hiding the profile from other users or showing it only to the right matches, will be much appreciated by introverts. But, as the majority of dating sites, this one has paid membership.

Shy Passions

As the name suggests, this site is focused on helping shy users find that special someone. Apart from chatting with others, the service also allows you to post on different forums and even play online games.

OkCupid

The last point on our introvert dating sites list goes to one of the biggest services on the Web. With the audience of more than 3 million active users, you’ll definitely find a match here. And the matching algorithm will help you with this. Usually, introvert and shy users mention these traits in their profiles, so you’ll have no problem finding them.

The only thing left is to pick the website that suits you most and go looking for your perfect match. And keep those tips in mind.