How to Bring Passion Back Into a Relationship

21.03.2019

Today marriage statistics is disappointing, almost half of the divorces occur in young families who were living in a marriage for 9 years but did not withstand the challenges. And this information did not include the relationships by cohabitation. Why does it happen? How does the relationship, in which love and acceptance reign, reach the point where the ex-spouses do not want to fight for their future anymore? The mistakes of many couples are written-off by others as if they make a carbon copy, and it seems that people have simply forgotten what true and strong love means. They have forgotten about a very important aspect of any healthy relationships, they have ceased to show passion and started living together like blood relatives who have got tired of each other. It’s high time to find out how to bring passion back into a relationship to make things better.

What Is Passion in a Relationship?

Stable relationships are great, but they risk becoming predictable and tedious. Even the hottest and most passionate feelings eventually cool down. You are used to the partner and can predict any action. You consume the same food and spend all your weekends the same way. In principle, you are satisfied with each other. The relationship has become steady but a bit blank, and the main issue is that such life forces the brain to look for stimulation and passion. The brain yearns for excitement and new impressions. As soon as passion disappears, you start losing interest in the relationship, and then in the spouse. You don’t find a common language as well as reach a mutual understanding.

Love is a thin thread that holds you together that’s why it is so important to nourish and strengthen it with the right actions. Tell each other more often the words of love, look for points of contact and common interests, confirm the significance of the partner and do not forget about the main goal of the relationship – to make each other happy.

Can a Relationship Survive without Passion?

If a couple has lost passion in the relationship, they inevitably start suffering from the boredom that only worsens the situation and their communication in general. Couples try to cope with the routine in different ways but not always in a reasonable manner. If people feel a lack of passion in the relationship, they may start doing the following things.

Someone is looking for thrills outside the relationship

Seeking impressions and adventures will provide them with only an interim respite from boredom. However, such people still prefer to continue the relationship because it is safe. The choice to continue the relationship because it’s more convenient is selfish and unjust to the partner. It won't end well.

Someone breaks up the relationship

Choosing a breakup due to boredom is not the most reasonable decision. The honeymoon always ends, and this is the natural stage of love. But awareness and acceptance of future changes in the relationship is a sign of maturity. When the relationship begins to seem monotonous and banal to the partners, it means that it’s high time not only to go crazy with feelings but also to start looking for tips on how to bring passion back into a marriage.

Someone gets used to the routine and hopes that everything will work out

Such couples are a bit unhappy with the relationship, but globally, they see nothing wrong with that. They prefer to avoid looking into the situation not to worsen it. However, the relationship is about continuous efforts since things never get better by themselves. It is you who should make them better. So, passion in a relationship plays a huge role, and if you see that something has gone wrong, it’s better to look for ways of how to get the passion back in a relationship.

Why Passion Subsides: Reasons and Causes

“We have been sleeping in the same bed for more than 10 years, the absence of erotic desire is normal at our age!” “Now she is not just my darling but also the mother of my children. Passion has moved to another level ... spiritual." And there are thousands of different excuses for why there is no passion in a relationship, and why pleasure has turned into annoying duty. Do you want to find out the true reason for lack of passion? So, what does influence the extinction of feelings between partners?

1. Lack of a clear understanding of roles in a couple

If your answer to the question, “What do you expect from a loved one?” is blurred, don’t surprise at the disappearance of passion in the relationship. Women often describe the ideal man as a caring father, a gentle friend, and a real alpha male in bed. However, can a person successfully combine two radically opposite role models? Is it possible to be caring and aggressive in the meantime? The same applies to men who expect some independence from women in life and, on the other hand, want to be with tender feminine girls. Can a woman be both strong and weak, independent and docile? This is nonsense. Decide who you want to see next to you, what role should a partner play? There should be no uncertainties in the relationship.

2. Fear of losing yourself in a relationship

Good sex involves not only the proximity of the bodies but also the sincerity of the souls. That is why it is difficult to imagine sexual intercourse between lovers when someone does not trust another one and is afraid to show all the aces as well as their true personality. Can we talk about passion if a partner does not feel comfortable? When a person is afraid of becoming dependent on a partner, feeling defenseless, this leads to alienation. Intimacy involves exposing weaknesses and giving up independence, without which it is impossible to truly accept each other.

3. Compulsive dependency on a partner

It is difficult to build light and comfortable relationships if one of the partners is a source of vital energy for another one. Judge for yourself, when one person becomes the guarantor of the financial well-being of the family, bears the function of an educator, breadwinner or center of constant emotional support, this is not normal. In such a couple, the partners become a parent and a child. One constantly demands, “Give me,” “Protect me,” “Tell me that I am good and important,” “Encourage me.” And another partner feels obliged to the first one. How can a “parent” want their “child”? How can you feel an erotic attraction to someone you no longer have respect for? Attraction quickly fades away in the dependent relationships.

4. Negative sexual attitudes

If you grew up in a family where it was considered normal to avoid any themes about expressing sexuality, then you may have become a hostage of children's complexes.

Very often, the ban on the expression of sexuality is put into our heads by the notorious parents, who grew up in times of total intimate illiteracy. Their favorite phrases are something like, “Passion after the age of 35? They are perverts!" "It is men who have invented the pleasure in bed, a woman must endure.” “You are ugly, so you must become smart!” In total, the child unconsciously adopts the erroneous patterns of behavior of parents, developing a negative attitude towards their own sexuality, which prevents them from enjoying intimacy. In this case, you should better go to a psychologist instead of looking for tips on how to get the passion back.

5. Perfectionist pursuit of an ideal image

Although nothing is perfect, perfectionists do not lose hope for everything to be top notch. At first, such people are very passionate and inventive lovers, but over time they start doubting whether they have succeeded in becoming the best, or maybe their attempts have failed? They face an especially painful blow to the ego during a quarrel, when a partner calls into question their sexual abilities.

What happens? Being afraid not to meet the partner’s expectations again, the beloved person decides to switch to other areas of life like career, parenting, favorite hobby, etc. As a result, sex falls in value, a person forbids themselves to feel sexual desire and show passion. It is just about the fear of another failure.

How to Rekindle Passion in a Relationship

Romantic and realist people belong to the diametrically opposite camps. For the latter ones, it is more important to be in mature relationships in which love, tested through the years, takes a much higher position than passion, which makes people move the wrong way and do foolish things. Romantic people, by contrast, cannot imagine true love without passion. Whatever camps a person identifies themselves with, very soon it becomes obvious that strong bright feelings will fade over time. Passion and excitement will be changed to other feelings like respect and sharing area of concern. However, to have a healthy relationship, you should necessarily find out how to bring passion back into your marriage.

1. Look at the marriage in a different way

At the early stage of relationships, people try to do their best to get to know each other better. However, in several years, a person is getting the feeling that they know everything about the spouse. A person convinces themselves to accept this delusion because they are afraid to admit that they really want changes and some uncertainty.

Look at your couple from a different perspective. By putting your beloved one into a box, you turn the relationship into cohabitation without passion. Reflect on how brittle your connection really is. Relationships shouldn't be predictable and steady constantly.

How to get the passion back in your marriage? Try to perceive your spouse as you would perceive an attractive stranger. Watching how a beloved one is into their hobby, how they communicate with friends, how successful they are at work, you can feel the excitement.

2. Do not put your partner into the box

Two personalities in love cannot become one unit without repercussions, and it doesn’t matter how much you would like the contrary. Stop controlling as well as intervening in the communication of the spouse with the outer world. And this behavior pattern, ironically, will result in positive changes.

Your spouse is an individual with their own views and beliefs. If they don’t have a desire to be with you and their loyalty is forced, then very soon they will want to break up and escape from this prison which you call a family. You don’t know how to put passion back into your marriage, do you? Do not spy on the beloved person, do not watch their every step, checking the e-mail and watching their communication with others. Your behavior can make them search for private space in some other place.

3. Avoid confusion between passion and love

While some people believe that sex is about sensual intimacy, others will argue. More often couples want different things in love and sexual intercourse. You can be in love with your spouse and treat them with huge tenderness, experiencing the need to experiment in bed and express some aggression and power. Do not confuse passion and love.

4. Go beyond your daily graft

How to show passion in a relationship? Marriage is considered an extremely serious and responsible thing. It is about personal comfort and reliability, which allegedly cannot co-exist with risk, jokes, and flirting. However, any relationship must be bright and dynamic, so anyone cannot do without flirting, games, jokes, and fantasies. Stop perceiving your family life as hard and unloved work, let your imagination play one of the main roles: start flirting with your spouse on the phone, ask them out on a date (you can search for interesting and unusual date ideas on the Internet), create an erotic atmosphere at home. There is a place for both calmness and adventure in a healthy relationship.