How to Survive a Breakup - a Guide for Guys
20.05.2018
Each of us has experienced a breakup at least once. Most often this happens during first love. “I’m sorry, but we’d better break up!” – A short phrase, without introductions and without explanations. And then you slowly lose the ground under your feet and no longer hear further speeches that you are “a wonderful man and deserve much more”. Do you recognize such a situation? Most likely, yes. Unfortunately, a breakup has many stories, but the ending is always the same – a broken heart and a lack of desire to continue further existence. Okay, we are not going to recall how it was, but we are going to look for ways how to survive a breakup.
How long does it take to get over a breakup?
There is an opinion that it is more difficult for a man to survive a breakup with his soul mate than for a woman. Some believe that at least a few months must pass after a breakup, others are convinced that a broken heart can’t be put on a timer. It turns out that it is possible to overcome a breakup after three months. The study, published in the scientific journal, involved 155 young people of both sexes. All of them survived a breakup 11 months ago. The majority of respondents (71%) agreed with the positive statements: “I learned a lot about myself”, “I grew up as a person”, and “I became more purposeful”. Of course, three months is a relative term. Although many believe that it is much easier for an initiator of a breakup because he/she has time to prepare for it and wants it.
After a breakup, women are more likely to believe that they made mistakes in relationships. This was admitted by 44% of the polled women. Men worry about committed mistakes twice as less – this was answered only by 20% of the respondents. According to experts, the reason lies in the peculiarities of the female psyche – women most often feel responsible for the emotional component of relationships. However, men are also rich in emotions, but unlike women, men don’t run in tears to tell their best friends about spiritual pain. They experience it in their own ways and use their own methods. After a breakup, they are hurt and lonely, but they keep this pain inside. They may not appear for long in public, cut off ties with the outside world, lonely indulge in memories and cry. Yes, men also cry and just wait for a phone call, when a loving voice says that she loves and waits for them.
Research has shown that men after a split are three times more likely to fall into depression than women. However, everything depends only on the type and nature of the character. A breakup at the initiative of girls is the strongest blow to men’s self-esteem. Being confident in themselves and their best qualities, they become defenseless and weak after a breakup. And the reason in this situation doesn’t matter. They are broken, depressed, and unhappy. After a while, after going through self-deprecation and depression, men are already able to start looking for a new love.
Psychologists say that a man is ready for a new relationship in 4 weeks. But these data are very inaccurate because all people experience this difficult period differently. Even if a new relationship happens, a man begins to analyze it, so as not to cause pain to himself or his new girlfriend. That’s why it is better not to start a relationship earlier than 3 months after a breakup. This is exactly the time when feelings get back to normal.
How to get over a breakup fast
It’s hard for a man to understand how to survive a breakup with someone you love. Women unconsciously do what helps to cope with pain – they cry so that pain doesn’t burst from the inside. And the representatives of the stronger sex are always taught that men don’t cry, that they should be as strong as flint. A man hesitates to share his pain even with friends so that not to be considered a whiner. So, how to survive a breakup – tips for guys:
1. Accept it
In order to understand how to survive a breakup when you are still in love, it is important to accept this fact. You break up and this can’t be changed. You must accept it. There is no point in thinking that you can correct the situation. Relationships are always two people and both are responsible. It is important to understand your mistakes in order to do everything differently next time with another girl. But those relationships that have already ended should remain in the past. Imagine that your love is a crystal ball that you keep with your girlfriend. When one drops hands, the ball is broken and it is meaningless to glue shards.
2. Burn the bridges
If you finally decided to break up, it’s best to reduce the communication to nothing. In the future, you can communicate if you want. But now, you just need to survive a breakup. And it can be very difficult to realize that you broke up if you continue to talk on the phone or chat in social networks, meet with common friends, walk somewhere together. A sharp breakup is preferable. Delete all contacts so that you don’t make a mistake in a moment of weakness. Thus, you just prolong the agony. If you can’t completely stop communication, then bring it to the necessary minimum.
3. Get rid of reminders
How to survive a bad breakup? Try to remove from your eyes everything that will remind you of an ex-girlfriend. It’s about her things, gifts, photos. Don’t listen to music and don’t watch movies that are associated with your relationship.
4. New impressions
Switch to something else, get a charge of positive emotions from new hobbies, and go on at least a small trip. Try to do what may please you. You need it now.
5. Letters of anger
This technique is especially good for men as they are used to keeping everything in themselves. When you feel hatred for a former girl, the insult to the way she unfairly offended you, write her a letter. Write there about how you feel, how you are, without choosing words. You need to write. Write, until you feel relieved. And then just rip that paper. Letters should be written as many as necessary.
6. Use anger as fuel
There is immense energy in anger. You should only direct it to the right track. You can start doing sport; you can go to learn something new; you can change jobs, start own business. Let at first it will be only a desire to prove to her that she has missed a wonderful man. But thus you not only overcome the pain of a breakup, but you will receive bonuses in the form of a healthy, well-built body, and excellent work.
7. Don’t rush into a new relationship immediately after a breakup
Of course, you want to feel necessary, but the wounded soul needs time to recover. When you overcome all the stages of a breakup, admit your mistakes and draw conclusions, you will feel better. You will leave a relationship with some useful experience. And some load of past relationships will not prevent a meeting with a girl with whom you will find a real, mutual, and happy love.
How to be happy after a breakup
Yes, life is full of different events, and the fact that you have to let a loved one go is not an excuse to forget about yourself and you just need to be able to survive this moment. No wonder they say that there will be new love after a breakup. Don’t be upset. Let resentment and self-doubt remain far behind. No, don’t be afraid of either the future or the present. Don’t hide your emotions because we still hope for the best somewhere in the depths of our souls. But how to get through a breakup and be happy is the most frequent question that a guy asks himself. Let’s try to figure everything out:
1. There is no need for unnecessary sentimental reasons
Don’t constantly listen to the songs that tell of sad love and, moreover, don’t watch melodramas with a happy ending too. Why? You yourself understand that this doesn’t ease your suffering, but rather all the way around. In order to forget a girl after a breakup, delete all her messages from your phone.
2. Try to change the situation
If possible, without hesitation, take some necessary things and go on a journey. This will be an excellent option in this situation. Rest, which both body and soul will get, will help you continue your life in the former environment with new strength. However, it doesn’t always work out. And if this is not possible, then just don’t go to the places where you have a lot of memories of a former girlfriend. Other places for walking and other routes to work or study are a good option.
3. You need to improve yourself
Perhaps when you are alone, there is still a plus. Think about it. Try to make it so that free time simply doesn’t remain, so that you can’t regret once again. For example, you have long wanted to go to the gym or learn some exotic language. And at the moment you have time for this, nothing prevents you from getting new occupation.
4. Find an example to follow
Many celebrities experienced a breakup. Find the one that you like. Put his or her photo on the desktop of your computer. As soon as you have a longing for the old relationship, look at this photo and say to yourself: “He was able to cope, so I can survive a breakup as well”. This is how to survive a breakup when you have no friends.
5. Engage in sports
Often our state of mind is the result of many inexplicable processes. Often, sadness overcomes us when the substances that are responsible for our mood begin to be produced in small quantities. Serotonin and endorphin increase with active exercise. Playing sports while listening to music will unequivocally raise your mood. And besides this, sports will help forget about stress, thereby, reducing the harm that is inflicted on the heart.
6. Be persistent
Set grandiose goals, dream more, and go ahead, no matter what. Life tests us every day for steadfastness. Not everyone can withstand these tests. You couldn’t resist the pressure of fate (to break up, stumble, do stupid things, etc.). This is normal because you are an ordinary person. It is important to find the strength to rise and move on! Happy people are courageous people and they go to the end in achieving their goals. There is no other way to overcome fear, except to do what you are afraid of!
7. Spin all the emotions out
How to get over a bad breakup? You can go to the forest or any uninhabited place and yell. Push out all that prevents you from being happy: resentment at the past, laziness, some qualities of character, tiredness, dissatisfaction with life... All this negativity builds up inside you and doesn’t let you live, breathe and move on. You must get rid of all this in a determined way through screaming. Only thus negative energy finds a way out. Go to nature, it heals.
8. Don’t be afraid to look ridiculous or stupid
Don’t be afraid even if you are used to always keep everything under control and if you are always right, boring, and tedious. Life shouldn’t be serious all the time. Sometimes you can and you have to fool around, no matter how old you are. You can arrange a costume party. When you are under the mask, it’s like not you. Sing karaoke or participate in children’s games, etc. And life will become easier and more fun.
