Expectations Vs. Reality: Online Dating Edition
17.11.2017
Communication on the Internet has become an integral part of the users' lives, like talking on the phone or eating. The statistics show that almost a third part of users finds their soulmates on the Internet. However, the statistics of cases when online dating expectations vs reality have nothing in common, show even bigger results.
Psychology vs. Anonymity
Psychologists have pointed out that among a huge number of people who have the problems with online dating, there are several main categories whose course of actions depends on class affiliation. Typically, a person's pastime on the Internet depends on their extent of employment and self-esteem. The financial situation directly affects the self-esteem. The Internet becomes a way of self-expression for people with low self-esteem because they are not happy with their real lives. Dating with such people ends at the stage of communication. The main sign is the persistent refusal to meet offline.
The second category is office workers who use social networks and online dating sites during working hours. Online dating for such people is a way to kill the time during a boring working time. The third category is people who use the Internet to find new information or to achieve some special goals.
A separate category would include people who are keen on computer games. Often, their screen life is so closely intertwined with the real one that both lives have a strong connection, and these people don’t have realistic dating expectations. Such people find their soulmates within a specific circle of people. There are many stories when people have created the families on the basis of a common hobby.
Online communication brings together
It seems to people that online communication brings together. They have common topics for conversation, a similarity in interests, sleepless nights in front of the computer and genuine joy. There is a friendship that turns into love. People cease to feel lonely.
Psychologists have pointed out that people with common virtual interests often have a feeling of the twin flame, they feel a collective belonging to something common. This phenomenon has its advantages and disadvantages. Lonely people cease to feel needless, someone gets an incentive to act. The danger is that the overall goal may be illusory, and online dating expectations may be too high.
Online dating expectations: a test of reality
The biggest danger of online dating is the real tests that life prepares for everyone. People, living in different cities or countries, face many unpleasant surprises and mismatches between the images, which they see on the Internet and in real life. The Internet brings together in a short period of time, but it does not replace live communication.
Online dating expectations versus the online dating reality
When people meet their online partners for the first time, they can seem less attractive to each other than they have expected. People tend to idealize a potential partner. They build assumptions, based on information in the profile. However, these data do not always correspond to reality.
1. Expectation.
You think that you win almost the jackpot because you have met not only a very interesting person but also a very attractive one. You don’t understand why this woman is still alone, but you don’t reflect on that too much. It doesn’t matter.
Reality.
You recognize the general features of the woman, but it seems that she is a bit older. She is not so young and attractive as she was ten years ago in her profile’s pictures. Besides, she is taller than you expect, having told about your own higher stature, and she isn't a blonde, but you like only this hair color. She has a twinkle in her eyes, but there are some wrinkles around her eyes too. In addition, she is rather curvy than slender, and it seems that her dance classes were left in the past. When she is smiling, you see a bit of a gap between her teeth. You are quite surprised, but then you recall that she doesn’t smile in all her pictures. However, she looks more seductive with non-compressed lips, and that little gap adds a bit of charm to her image. Anyway, this time, dating expectations vs reality are in in the normal range.
2. Expectation.
You are sure that you have met almost the most interesting person in your life. She writes you long beautiful messages, all the sentences are filled with energy and charm. You are sure that this is her usual manner of communication, and she speaks in the same way. She might be an interesting storyteller.
Reality.
She prefers to write down all the thoughts, putting them in order, rather than to speak to somebody. When she starts telling you a story, she can easily forget some details and then get back to them when there is no need. You think that she will tell a funny joke, but her sense of humor is not so good. Some people feel uncomfortable speaking with other people. They may be a little bit excited and want to tell so much that they just miss out some things. When they write down their thoughts, they have some time to calm down or just to rewrite a message. Some people are good speakers, and some others are good writers, it is just the way the world works. Dating expectations vs reality can be higher than it is necessary, and they can lead to disappointment.
3. Expectation.
You communicate only with one woman because you have serious intentions to create a family. You think that she does the same, and you are one and only with whom she spends her evenings on the Internet.
Reality.
She has a quite attractive profile, and she gets at least 10 messages from different men who say, “I loved you at first sight.” She is not so naive to believe in all the words and to communicate only with one man with whom she has never met offline. This woman might also have intentions to have a serious relationship with only one man, but until she begins to trust a man, she will exchange messages with a big number of men, especially if they are handsome and interesting. You can get exclusive rights to her attention only if she falls in love with you. If your online dating expectations are too high, you will hardly meet a perfect match.
4. Expectation.
You meet a complete stranger who knows nothing about you and with whom you can start over from scratch. You are from different cities or even countries, and she will never find out about your painful divorce and a prolonged depression.
Reality.
When you cross some invisible line in your communication and find each other on Facebook or somewhere else, you understand that you have more than 10 mutual friends or acquaintances. Her brother studied in your city several years ago and you met with him twice, you were fighting because he had turned out to be a lover of your ex-wife. So, she could probably know about some hidden moments of your life. You cannot even imagine how small the Earth is, and there are always risks that your dating expectations will not be met.
5. Expectation.
You will have both similar interests and the worldviews. As soon as she solves her problems, you will meet and be happy together because you feel that she is your soulmate.
Reality.
You have fallen in love with a beautiful and intelligent girl, she has made you drop your inner guard. You have sold your car and sent some money to her because she should solve her financial problems in order to pack her bags, buy a ticket and come, at last, to you. However, as soon as you sent money, she stopped replying to your messages or even deleted her profile. You know nothing special about her except the fact that she has turned out to be a scammer. You’ve got neither a car, nor a beloved girl. Online dating expectations vs reality can turn out to be a fairytale in which you are the main but not happy character.
6. Expectation.
You like a girl’s profile and consider her to be a smart woman. You are going to send her a message and think that your communication will be like clockwork because you are a very intelligent man with a good sense of humor.
Reality.
You have sent her a message and got a response. You have started communicating, discussing all the possible topics. She is a really interesting person. However, in a week or so, you see that she has read a message, but she hasn’t sent a reply; you wait a day and then send another message to her. She replies as if nothing special has happened. Such a situation is not an exception to the rule but a usual manner of the communication. You feel irritation, on the one hand, she is an interesting and attractive girl, but on the other hand, she is an awful company from time to time. She replies only when she wants without taking into account your feelings.
7. Expectation.
You have uploaded all your real photos and written only truthful information about yourself. You don’t pretend to be someone else, and you hope to find a girl who will be interested in you and accept you as you are.
Reality.
Your new acquaintance is an amazing girl, she might seem to be a pearl of this dating site. You have already been communicating for several months, and decide to arrange a meeting. You are confident because you have nothing to hide. You meet. She is a stranger who behaves as if it is not she who has lied in her profile, but you. You ask yourself, “Are my dating expectations too high?” However, your dating expectations aren’t absolutely high in comparison to her ones. You don’t suit her because you don’t match her image of a perfect man who is worth her.
Why should you set realistic dating expectations before you go on a date?
Communication on the Internet takes a lot of time. You can communicate virtually with interesting and attractive women for years and be disappointed in them in person. The first meeting will put everything in its place, so it is better not to delay it if there is no desire to waste your time on the wrong person. An important role is played by the smells, eye contact, touches. All that cannot be sent via the network.
There are only virtual gifts, virtual courtship, virtual signs of attention. However, offline courtship is very important for the development of the relationships. Partners get to know each other step by step. It is important to know whether the partner will care about you, how they behave in certain situations, how they react to the signs of attention. It is very important to feel the person, to see their eyes, to feel their energy. When the relationship is only virtual, the taste is lost, it becomes insipid because everything is unnatural.
The main thing is to set healthy dating expectations and understand that you will hardly meet a perfect person who will not have any shortcomings and who will be even better than you have imagined. The more realistic your expectations are, the higher your chances will be to meet a good person who may be not as beautiful as in the photo, but who is still as incredible as their words.
