Primary Red Flags in Dating a Girl: Notice Them As Soon As Possible

07.02.2020

Do you feel more fear than respect and love? Have you stopped trusting yourself? Do you never feel easy? Perhaps you are one of those who are attracted to people who do not match you perfectly. This happens quite often with those who do not notice red flags for dating a woman. After all, not always the person you fall in love with at first sight and who makes you experience butterflies flying in your stomach will become a good partner for you. Keep in mind that your heart can go wrong, forcing you to get into stories with very unpleasant finals. Therefore, it is necessary to try to control emotions by balancing feelings with a healthy share of rationality and objectivity, so as not to be left alone with emotional pain and disappointment.

When the connections end or do not go well, it is natural to think and wonder whether there were signs or red flags in the relationship. Were there any signs indicating that this is not a good match? You might think, "Am I missing something? Were there any hints that this would not work?" Often, we ignore obvious things pointing at the fact that this is not the best partner for us. But if you learn to notice red flags in dating a woman, you can avoid heartbreaking or dysfunctional relationships in the future. And we will teach you how to do this.

What Are the Red Flags in Dating?

Concerns about the behavior of the object of your sympathy, personal qualities, beliefs, and values are called red flags for dating. Is he or she treating you and others right, or is their behavior toxic or unhealthy? Do you agree with his or her life priorities? The signs that something is wrong can be the following:

• Worrying about how you interact with each other. Is there an unhealthy relationship dynamic?
• Concerns about your own mental and/or physical health. Did it get worse during these interactions?

If you notice that many of the above are relevant to you, try to take a closer look at the situation, talk with your partner or possibly end such relationships.

Why People Ignore Warning Signs?

Love. This beautiful euphoric feeling that you experience when falling in love is caused by the flow of hormones secreted by the brain and body. They make you feel amazing, at maximum, because they activate your brain’s pleasure center, blurring the judgment ability and sober thinking. You get dependent on your new lover even if she is one of the single women online you met 3 days ago. It's hard to focus on something else. Spend a few minutes with your partner, and it seems like you're just getting away from everything. Chemistry creates a strong attraction, which is difficult to resist. It makes you feel so happy, keep in touch and love every red flag of theirs.

Moving too fast. This stage of infatuation - when you are literally strongly excited by the hormones of happiness and pleasure - lasts about twelve months. Intertwining your life with this new person (for example, moving, getting married or becoming pregnant, adopting a dog together, planning a shared budget) while chemicals flood your brain is not the best choice. You deny what worries you and practically deprive yourself of the opportunity to assess the situation adequately. You unconsciously do not want to see the obvious. That is why psychologists recommend to date at least a year and get to know the most you can about the person before making any serious decision. And do not rush to tie your life together with someone you met on a single women's website a few months ago and barely know.

We hope for the best later. You want this relationship to happen so badly, and you convince yourself that the partner will change. People choose to keep the blindfold on instead of recognizing what doesn’t please them. We put off our life hoping for a brighter future. We do not live now because we build an illusion of happiness while dating someone and knowing at the moment that we are not happy. In fact, you see things as they are, notice those warning signs but pretend that they are non-existent or minor, you fantasize that things will get normal and change for the better.

We do not want to admit our mistake. You failed to choose a normal person for dating, transferred your expectations on a partner that didn’t live up to them, in general, you have overestimated someone. Pride and fear of failure can keep you in relationships, even if they become unbearable, and you see no future.

We do not trust our guts. How many times your friends have told you something about your partner? Or have your parents given you advice on a quarrel with your beloved? And chances are you have listened to them and applied those remarks to your life. But why don’t you believe yourself? You are the most important person in your life. You are the one that knows you the best. And it is up to you to decide and hear your inner voice. What does it tell? Do you believe that a person will change and make you happy?

Main Red Flags in Dating a Girl

Being carried away by the feelings, we want to look at our partner from the best perspective. But let’s face it, we all have our virtues and shortcomings, no one is perfect, but we should put up with this fact and love our partners just the way they are. However, when the strange features you were used to finding cute about someone begin to make you anxious or grow into something bigger, there is no need to tolerate this. Red flags dating is doomed to failure, so you should pay attention to the features that worry you better sooner than later, and here are the main things you should focus on.

She doesn’t know why she is with you

We do not urge you to give a clear idea to every step in the relationship because sometimes you want romantic carelessness, but you and your partner should at least roughly understand what exactly binds you together. If, in the beginning, it can be passion, interest, thirst for a new one, then later, each of you has the right to expect deeper feelings. When your partner still cannot answer why she is next to you, then maybe she just uses you as the only option at the moment and is waiting for someone better. And even if not, then being close to a person who cannot determine her desires and feelings implies that you will understand and think out what should be in your relationship. What are the red flags in dating in this case? It can be about constant implying of changes on you, or the desire to spend a lot of time apart. Your girlfriend simply doesn't appreciate you for who you are.

You suspect a lie

This problem is related to communication difficulties, but there is a big difference between a person who finds it difficult to talk about her feelings and an outright liar. If your girlfriend doesn’t agree or gives you incomplete answers about what she feels like, this may turn into a problem that will bring only negative emotions. You will build illusions, and she will be able to hide behind the fact that she has never told you what you took for the truth. One of the most disgusting early red flags in dating is insincerity.

She wants all your time and attention

When people are in a relationship, this does not mean that now they should spend all their time and attention only on the partner. Each person needs personal space and time that they will spend on themselves, on what is interesting to them. If she constantly requires attention, then most likely, she does not have her own needs and interests. Even if she cooks the best pancakes and is the most interesting interlocutor in the world, you don’t want it every minute of your life. After all, you just might want to read a book or play computer games.

You are the center of her universe

You can both give each other a real and strong relationship, only if you are fully individual and able to take care of yourself because relationships are not an escape from loneliness, it is the choice of two people to be together. When you find that except for you, the girl doesn’t have other friends and interests, this is a bit scary. If she doesn’t even have a job, then better run away from her because even if you give her ample attention right now, sooner or later it will not be enough. She will get bored and require more because you are a sense of her existence. There is another way out, you can help the girl find the job so that she will earn money and have less time to stalk you, you can show her interesting activities and transform her into a more or less adequate social being. Of course, red flags in relationships when dating do not mean you should immediately part. You can change the situation if you are ready to invest your time.

You have difficulty communicating

You both should feel comfortable talking about what is important to each of you. Only then can you solve problems and feel real emotional closeness. If on dates, you often watch TV series, play games that do not involve communication or drink, that is one of the major dating red flags to look for in a woman. No one says watching new episodes of your favorite TV shows or movies together is wrong. But if it seems to one that you are staring at the screen too often, you should talk about it and stop. If only one of you likes it or if you both understand that it is much more difficult to communicate, and you don’t want to.

Uses sex as a tool

If she has ever used sex as a tool to get what she wants (as a reward or lack of it as a punishment), then you can be sure: this is one of the huge dating red flags. Such behavior is pure manipulation. “If you cook dinner, we can have sex tonight ...” is the red flag! Plus, if she does not know how to apologize other than in bed, you have even more problems with communication. In any relationship, there are situations when someone is wrong, and everyone sometimes has to apologize for certain words and deeds. But if she never apologizes, you should reconsider your relationship.

The last sex-related problem may be that you almost never have oral sex. At first, many are embarrassed to offer this because you do not know the preferences of each other. But it's worth talking and finding out - everything will work out.

How to Recognize Them in Time?

It is not always that easy to recognize red flags before dating, but the victims of emotionally exhausting relationships with wrong people are most often those who do not understand how to build and protect their personal boundaries. These are adults who did not experience the love and affection of their parents in childhood, insecure people who are scared to be left alone, so they enter relationships that are doomed to failure and convince themselves that the partner will change.

It is hard sometimes to notice that the person doesn't quite match you like the overall behavior of clingy partners can be just perfect. They remember all the dates, help you whenever you ask and will sacrifice a lot for you. But one day you realize how creepy that can get, and to be so attached to someone is not healthy.

But you shouldn’t resume dating someone who makes you feel miserable, disrespected, stupid or used. They will control you because they suffer from low self-esteem or interdependent dating roles, they fear loneliness. But when you try to talk about this – they come up with million excuses or blame you! The worst of the red flags in dating is when the person says that you are wrong, nothing serious is happening and denies all accusations. They pretend not to notice that you are not pleased with their behavior, and you know in advance that the discussion with them will not result in anything.

What Does Ignoring Red Flags Lead to?

People remain in a relationship even with those people who have signs of dozens dating red flags for guys for thousands of reasons. Firstly, if a couple is together for a long time, then both partners are afraid to destroy what they have done together. Respect for the time that was spent on each other glues feelings.

Secondly, the attachment that arose over a long period of coexistence. It is difficult for a person to get rid of what has been the meaning of their life for a long time. It comes to the fact that some do not see a lover in a partner but live with them only out of habit. Thirdly, no one wants to be alone. Fear of the unknown forces a person to step over the feeling of discomfort in a relationship and encourages them to continue. Fourth, in a couple, someone may long have the idea of breaking ties but is afraid to hurt. Excessive sense of care is one of the stones of prediction on the way to parting. And these are just the main reasons why toxic relationships have a right to exist. To break them, it is necessary to realize how much they interfere with living and fully functioning with the world.

You become anxious

It’s hard for you to believe that people can be truly kind and sincere even if this tendency is transferred to your future love affair too. It’s hard for you to believe that no one will hurt you. You become cautious with people, even too much.

You are not ready to meet someone new

You can avoid new relationships out of fear that everything will happen again, which will be the same as in previous relationships. And there is no time frame. You just have to wait until you can trust again and open up to someone.

You become more compassionate

When you have such a difficult and traumatic experience, you begin to understand people who are in the same situation. As soon as you find red flags in dating a person, you begin to notice how many such signs are there in other people and maybe what mistakes you are used to doing yourself. You become more sympathetic, and even reports of such situations of strangers cause you concern.

You become too sensitive

You get easily carried away by old emotions. Somehow a similar situation, for example, you meet a passerby on the street who looks like your ex, and such a meeting makes you shake again from fear and excitement. These are all triggers of negative memories of what happened. Now you do not even know whom to believe and where to find a person that will match you. Ignoring red flags leads to what you get disappointed in people and prefer to stay at home and cry rather than go out and meet people. You can acquire a fear of opening up before people.

You are trying to overcompensate what happened

Although you should never blame yourself for the violence you have been subjected to because it is not your fault, your reaction to this can affect other people. In an attempt to compensate for the fact that you suffered such mistreatment, now you become too critical, demanding, and controlling. When your partner controls you twenty for a seven, you are prone to carry a load of this experience with you into the future relationships. That is a negative effect of ignoring red flags and putting up with dating a toxic person further.

You involve in self-flagellation

Although again, the problem is most likely in your partner, who offended you, you continue to look for the cause in yourself. You ask yourself what you did, why you deserved such treatment, or just how you allowed it. You think that you were wrong because it was you who noticed something imperfect about the person and left them in the long run. But do not worry, not all people were made for each other, you are not guilty.

Sometimes, when you are in a stable relationship, you make changes to your already formed views. However, a healthy relationship consists of two healthy people. If you do not work on them together, there will be no positive results.

For example, dating someone with manipulative features, someone aggressive or too clingy fundamentally changes how you evaluate yourself. In this case, relationship problems have a negative impact on the quality of life. Pay attention to how you treat yourself and your partner as a whole, rather than the small details that we tend to focus on. After all, relationships should never question our self-esteem or actions. And if after this, you still know for sure that you will not be happy with this person, leave them.