Why Do Men Get Jealous Even When They Don't Date a Girl?

22.11.2017

“There’s nothing serious between us, but I’m still pissed when she hangs around with other guys,” doesn’t it sound a bit confusing to you? If some girl would read this, she would probably ask, “What’s your problem?” But the thing is that no matter what kind of a relationship you’re in with her now, there will still be a place for jealousy. You can say that it’s a men’s curse to be jealous of women even if they never commit to them, but there’s a way out. You just need to know what lies behind this feeling and why you can’t get rid of it.

The nature of men's jealousy: a deep insight

For all of us, the word “jealousy” has a different meaning. In any relationship, there’s a place for such a feeling as jealousy. It’s a feeling, not an emotion. It usually appears if a person means a lot to you and you’re afraid of losing her. The only problem is that getting rid of this feeling is a very difficult task. So, why do men get jealous?

Reasons for jealousy

Love. First, it’s worth saying that jealousy has nothing to do with how much you love someone. Jealousy means mistrust, or simply, the owner’s instinct. It’s obvious that any person expects complete devotion and loyalty from his or her partner, even the potential one. But still, every person, whether male or female, is afraid of losing someone dear to them. And that’s where jealousy appears. If this feeling is a kind of the owner’s instinct, then it’s pretty far from love. Jealous men believe that their potential partner belongs only to them, so they start getting mad if this partner suddenly begins to show interest in someone else. It’s necessary to get rid of this instinct once it develops because it’s impossible to build stable and healthy relationships based on jealousy.

Self-doubt. This trait is also one of the causes of jealousy in men. A morally strong person will never come down to a small quarrel, motivating his anger with the questions like “why is he staring at you?” For a confident person, his partner will always be his object of pride and adoration. And when you’re proud of your girlfriend being always near you, your self-confidence will only get stronger over time. It always feels great to realize that you have someone to support you in the darkest hour. But be prepared for your partner expecting the same from you. Insecure people doubt absolutely everything and everyone. They don’t trust anyone. No matter how hard you try to please such a person, you’ll never do it. Sooner or later, this person will find a new reason for being jealous. Unfortunately, such people don’t even need an excuse for that. If it’s your case, you need to do something ASAP. Men and jealousy can’t coexist without problems.

Fear of loneliness. This reason is the result of self-doubt. A man with such fear is afraid not to lose his loved one but to be left alone again. Such people need someone to constantly remind them that they are loved and desired. The only plus of this problem is that it’s fairly easy to overcome jealousy based on the fear of loneliness. A few words like “I need you,” “I can’t live without you”, “I love you,” should be enough. Once these words are said, jealousy in men usually starts to disappear.

Anxiety. Often, men get jealous of their loved ones simply because they worry about them too much. It’s impossible to stay in touch with your partner every second and know who’s next to her at this moment. And this can drive you mad. You can’t protect your partner every minute of your life and lend her a helping hand if something happens. This is one of the most common causes of jealousy in men. You’re trying to protect a person who is dear to you from all the hazards of this world, often not realizing that this person is an integral, independent personality that’s quite capable of coping with her problems on her own.

Self-defense. Let's imagine that your partner has cheated on you. And once you find out about this, you realize that she’s not the only one who can do this, and you’re a potential cheater, too. By being jealous of your partner, you’re trying to get rid of the thought that you yourself are capable of betraying your loved one.

How to cure jealousy

Jealousy affects not only those who become the object of it but those who feel jealous, too. It spoils the relationship because this feeling means that you doubt the person you love. At some point, such doubts will destroy the relationship completely, leading both partners to a breakup. That’s why you shouldn’t ignore this problem. Fight it until this jealousy becomes pathological. But how to cure it? There are several steps to take.

Boost your self-esteem. The basis of self-esteem is formed by parents in early childhood. But the level of self-esteem can fall sharply when you get older because of certain situations that cause severe psychological trauma. Soon, low self-esteem turns into a pathological jealousy in men.

Learn to criticize yourself. Don’t overdo with self-criticism. You’re not a dollar, and you can’t make everyone like you. Don’t compare yourself to other people because you may not like what can come out of it.

Watch yourself. Taking good care of your appearance, you can boost your self-confidence. Do something with your haircut, update your wardrobe from time to time, and stop eating junk food.

Analyze your own emotions. To understand the emotions you’re experiencing, don’t lie to yourself and be honest with yourself. Determine how everything that happens in your life affects you, what causes positive emotions, and what cause the negative ones. Try to avoid situations that cause negative emotions.

The sooner you deal with jealousy, the better. It’s hard to cope with men behaving badly, and jealousy is the main thing that pushes men to that behavior.

Why you get jealous even if you don't date her

The answer to this question depends on how long you know the girl and what kind of a person you are. But usually, it all comes down to these three main reasons. Here’s why people get jealous of someone they shouldn’t care about.

You like her

Why do people get jealous? It’s all about the feelings. If you’re really into this girl, you can get mad even if she starts talking with some other guy. This happens because men think that their potential competitors steal all the attention from them. In this case, the feeling of jealousy is also partially caused by your desire to protect the girl. If it’s so, you won’t get rid of this desire, as it’s stuck on a subconscious level. And it doesn’t matter whether she is your girlfriend or not; this feeling translates to all people you care for. If you don’t have a partner at this moment, then you have no one to protect, so you begin looking for a girl to fill this void. Well, who can blame you for being a bit jealous when you put so much time and effort into that girl, right? So it’s no wonder why you get so territorial when some other guy tries to take your place. Since she’s probably the only one you treat so seriously, you simply don’t want to let other guys on your territory. This means that you don’t want to be friends with the girl. You want to make things between you more serious.

But there’s even more to it: you may be the type of a guy, who doesn’t want to waste time on dating, starting the relationship right away. That’s the reason why you may get even angrier if someone starts a conversation with the girl you like. But why are men jealous of girls they have no tender feelings for? There’s one reason.

You’re too shy

Before asking “why am I so jealous?” ask yourself if you feel comfortable when dealing with girls. The thing is that the feeling of jealousy can come from shyness. It’s a bit complicated. You see, if you’re shy, you automatically put more effort in the relationship with the girl you like. Some guys get so affected by shyness that they carefully choose every word they say to a girl, making sure that they present themselves in the best way possible. They do everything not to let her notice that they feel nervous in her presence. They feel like they need to be better than others when a girl is around. Sometimes, shy guys spend hours thinking about what to say to her next time they meet. There should be no flaws, no mistakes. And then some other dude shows up and steals all the girl’s attention without even trying to do so. No wonder why a shy competitor gets jealous. He wasted so much time making everything look perfect, and now all his effort is pointless.

So, those of you, girls, who read this and ask yourself “why do guys get jealous when you’re not dating them?” take a closer look at men you hang around with. One of them may be struggling to win your attention.

You want her to be your girlfriend

“Why do I get jealous of her? She’s not my girlfriend, anyway.” There’s only one reason why you keep catching yourself thinking about that: you want this girl to be yours. You’re not so close at this moment, but on a subconscious level, you already see her as your partner. And you believe that this can happen, so you begin treating her like all boyfriends do, including such an annoying detail as jealousy. Maybe you already have some plans on what to do together when you officially become a couple. Why do men get jealous? In this case, everything is as simple as can be: they see their “girlfriend” in someone else’s company, and they don’t know how close this guy is to her. She can be so close to him that the jealous dude may not have a chance. Would you like some stranger taking your place and ruining your dream? Definitely not!

There are two ways to stop being jealous: you can either start a relationship with the girl or cut all contacts with her. And here’s one thing you should remember: if you made it clear that all you want is to be friends with her, you no longer have the right to express your jealousy in any way. Being a “friend,” she’s free to date anyone she likes, and she doesn’t owe you anything. The question “why do men get jealous?” is finally answered.

Instead of trying to draw the girl's attention to you with jealousy and all the negativity it brings, try to change your own attitude towards her. If you’re jealous, then in two cases out of three, you have feelings for her. Maybe it's time to take your relationship to a new stage? If this option doesn’t appeal to you, it’s better to leave the girl alone. If you don’t do either of these, you’ll just continue to poison both yours and the girl’s life.

Jealousy is not the best feeling. It’s capable of killing the love and all the positive emotions in the relationship. Fight your jealousy, and love won’t go anywhere from you.