What You Need to Know Before Committing to Someone

25.07.2017

It’s hard to resist the temptation to devote yourself to relationships when you believe that you met that special someone. But maybe it’s better to stop for a moment and ask yourself if it’s really what you want. Are you sure that you don’t want to change anything about your partner? Committing to someone too soon may turn out to be a true disaster.

You see, it’s easy to fall in love. You should realize that the feeling of butterflies in your stomach will eventually fade. Soon you will be experiencing completely different feelings and emotions. Both of you will eventually face a lot of issues, from financial management and kids to in-laws, hobbies, or even religion. In order to overcome all the potential difficulties and keep your relationships intact, you need to know what to expect from your companion in advance. This will help you understand how to build the foundation for future family life.

Introduction: Are you ready to commit?

Committing to your loved one is a serious step forward in relationships. Such a decision will remind of itself every day. So there’s nothing wrong with being a bit scared. There are a significant number of people experiencing commitment issues out there. But it’s important to recognize the signs of being afraid of letting someone into your life.

When discussing relationships, we ask what makes a person we chose a good partner. But at the same time we overlook one question that really matters – are we ready for relationships? Watching a favorite TV show, sitting on a couch and embracing your significant other, is one thing, but sacrificing your own freedoms and interests in this person’s favor is a completely different one. You may find someone you’ve been looking for all your life, but who cares if you’re too scared to have this person in your life. You have doubts and fears; you don’t know if you’re emotionally ready for this; you begin thinking that this person is not interested in you as much as you interested in them. All those are signs of commitment issues.

Well, there are a few ways to overcome the fear of commitment. You can always turn to a professional’s advice. A good psychologist will help you sort all out and organize your thoughts. You may as well talk to your friends who have already been through this stage in relationships. They will gladly tell you about all the challenges you will face after committing to your loved one. And there’s one last thing that might help you with overcoming the fear of commitment on your own – just ask yourself the following questions.

Questions you should ask yourself before getting committed

Here are 10 questions you need to answer to find out if you’re ready for commitment.

1) How well do you actually know your partner?

It may seem like a dumb question to ask yourself given that you want to commit to this person. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together. Your loved one may still be keeping something to herself or himself. Here are three ways to get to know someone well enough.

• Spend some time with them within their family
• Analyze everything they say to you
• Watch how they act in different circumstances

For a few decades, such step as meeting each other’s parents has lost its importance for some reason. Nowadays, couples usually do this almost before the engagement, and that’s actually not the best idea. You need to feel that atmosphere your potential life partner grew up in. You need to see what foundation he or she got before leaving home. Those years, spent in the family, leave a huge mark on our personality and may even become an indicator of what we may become when we grow older.

2) Are you close enough?

Our individual needs can vary from day to day. Maybe your partner has been under stress lately, and they need more care, compliments, and support. Or, on the contrary, they are rapidly rising up the career ladder now, being constantly busy, needing more free time and personal space, and having no time for serious relationships.

If your partner wants more independence doesn’t mean that they no longer love you as much as they did, and asking for support doesn’t mean being weak. People have emotional needs, which occur due to various events taking place in their lives. And the better you learn to recognize your companion’s needs and tell them about your own ones, the stronger your relationship will become.

3) Are you ready to concede?

That’s quite an insidious question, as there should be no concessions in perfect relationships. Giving up your own ideas in your loved one’s favor may sound noble, but in truth, it’s a way to resentment. It's not difficult to guess what we are thinking at such moments: "Why did my partner not abandon this idea in my favor? Why should I do this?" Forget about concessions and take joint decisions that will suit you both.

Avoid such situations when your partner agrees with something because of you but remains unconvinced. These situations can become small seeds of resentment that will eventually sprout and destroy your relationships, no matter how serious and lasting they seem to you.

4) Can you trust your partner?

What about trust between you and your loved one? Do you trust them? Are you sure that you can completely rely on them if needed? You know, there are times when you don’t know where your partner is — there may be something wrong with the signal, so you can’t call them, or they can’t answer for some other reasons. At these moments you need to trust them. Sure, if your partner has already proved that she or he can be trusted, there’s nothing to worry about. But you should never ask your significant other if you can trust them; this question only shows that you’re not ready for commitment. Mutual trust is the main pillar that keeps your relationships from falling apart.

5) Does your partner appreciate the person you are now?

You can see when a man is ready to commit if he doesn’t want to change anything about his loved one. The mature and dedicated person, who is confident about his or her feelings, will accept and love you for who you are right now. They will never call you out until they see that you’re going to do something that will hurt you in some way. In this case, they are driven by a desire to protect you.

Maybe your loved one might challenge you from time to time, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It has nothing to do with the attempts to change your personality.

6) How does your partner treat his friends and relatives?

We’re not talking about some special occasions, like holidays and weekends; we’re asking how your partner treats her or his loved ones every day. To find this out, you may have to spend some time with her or his relatives. If you can’t do this, then be aware that there’s one side of your potential life partner that you may have never seen before.

7) Is your partner ready to place your needs first?

It’s great if you understand how important it is to give something and receive something in return. But if your significant other puts her or his need above yours all the time, it’s better not to establish serious relationships with them. It looks like they didn’t grow up yet.

There are a lot of people around us, who believe that they are more important than others. These people just don’t want to accept that no one owes them anything. Everyone has their own wishes and dreams, and making them come true is their own concern. And until these people understand this, they will remain selfish and unable to establish strong and long-lasting relationships.

Here are a few signs that your partner is one of these people: hysterics, poor anger management, and the belief that you must be able to recognize their desires and wishes without communicating with them.

8) Do you share dreams and plans for the future?

How does your partner see your family life? Are they OK with the idea of both of you having jobs or maybe they prefer the traditional approach when one of the partners stays at home and deals with house chores? How do they want to manage finances? Although some of our views and plans change over time, you still need to discuss the nuances of family life with your loved one. Maybe they want to create a joint budget, putting all the money they earned in it, but wait until they want to buy something without discussing the purchase with you. Their attitude may rapidly change.

9) Where would your loved one like to live?

It’s an important question to consider before letting someone into your life. Maybe you would like to live in a busy city, and your partner wants to get as far as possible from city life. In this case, you may have to look for a compromise. You may live in a city for a couple of years and move to some quiet place, or you may choose to live in a suburb. Or maybe you want to live closer to your family to be able to help them if they ask, but your partner doesn’t appreciate this idea and can’t wait until you move as far as possible from them. Anyway, you still need to talk about it.

10) Can you actually see yourself next to your partner?

Before asking “Am I ready for commitment,” ask “What do I expect from this relationship?” Is it just a fling you’ll forget about in a few months? Would you like to turn it into something serious?

If you have already been in long term relationships, you probably know what can happen if you don’t answer this question before going further. Let us make an example here: You started dating your partner about six months ago not actually thinking how far you are going to take your relationship, treating it like a fling. Having no idea of what you expected may lead to constant fights and quarrels about how you see this relationship, spoiling all the feelings you already have for each other and eventually breaking up. Determining if you can see yourself with your companion for a long time will help you understand how much effort and energy you may need to put into your relationship.

In conclusion: is commitment all that necessary?

To sum it up, it’d be a good idea to mention that finding the answer to questions like “Am I ready for a committed relationship,” is impossible without asking another question – “what is commitment?”. Some people associate it with putting certain limitations on personal life in the first place, and they are afraid of losing themselves in the process.

As we all know, any relationship is not only about tender feelings and emotions. It’s also about commitment. No matter if you’re married or not, when you enter a romantic relationship with your partner, commitment shows her or him that you care about what both of you have already created, even if you don’t always do so.

So when we are talking about a partnership based on love and trust, commitment is essential. But is it worth being afraid of? Well, unless you are scared of your partner, there’s nothing to worry about. Being dedicated to someone you love, showing your appreciation and feelings, is completely natural.