What You Need to Know Before Going for Couples Therapy

03.06.2019

When a relationship is ruining, every day is marked by quarrels, conflicts, and mutual misunderstanding. Couple therapy is an indispensable tool in a situation when relationships are under threat of destruction. This can happen in the life of any person. Couple and family therapy helps find common ground, cope with problems, and avoid disintegration. You shouldn’t be embarrassed because of it. Perhaps you just don’t understand that the problems, which have to be solved cause the destruction. To prevent the collapse of relationships values, psychologists have developed couples therapy techniques that successfully solve many problems.

Reasons to Try Couple Therapy

What is couple therapy? Anyone who still doesn’t understand the principles of work of couple therapists can say that going to such a doctor is something that is used to treat mentally ill people. However, the situation is quite different. In contrast to individual consultations, working with a couple implies considering it as a whole system, and not a certain number of people who have any problems of their own. What to expect in couples therapy? The specialist will try to understand the common problems in the couple, what has led to this situation, and how to fix it.

And here are the reasons why you have to visit the therapist.

You are not satisfied with your communication

Perhaps you don’t have obvious conflicts, but you feel bad in a relationship. You are ignored and misunderstood. Moreover, you don’t even understand what is going on with your loved one, and he or she is gradually becoming a stranger. Fortunately, one of the good results of the couple’s therapy is an improvement in communication of partners.

You don’t trust

Let’s imagine that you faced cheating, or you feel emotionally constrained, or you hear too many lies from a partner, anyway, if you want to trust again, you need professional help. Consulting a doctor, both of you will learn how to freely express feelings.

You experienced something destructive

Different life situations can spoil your relationships at all. It can be a loss of some close person, unemployment, problems with health, and so on. But you need to learn to overcome difficulties. It can unite you. If you can’t cope with it by yourself, then you can get solution focused couple therapy from a specialist.

You see that something is going wrong

For example, something has changed in your relationship, but you can’t describe what exactly. Or here is another situation: you can’t feel relaxed with your soulmate as it was before. These are the obvious red flags that can’t be ignored. They lead to destruction. You can’t put blame on your partner or yourself for it. You just need to go to a specialist who can help you with it.

You don’t have emotional intimacy

Almost all couples go through the stage when they feel that the “spark” has gone after some time together. It happens because routine life begins. For example, emotional intimacy disappears because one of the partners develops, changes, learns something new, while the other stays the same. In such a case, they just lose interest in each other. So, to save a relationship, partners need to try emotion-focused couples therapy if they can deal with it.

You can’t open up for your partner

If you face such a situation and don’t know how to get out of it, just listen to our advice: all that you need is your desire and a comfortable, relaxing atmosphere, that is, a family specialist office. In such a place, in the presence of a therapist, you will be able to overcome your fear and discuss everything you want.

You often have conflicts

Do you understand that these little conflicts become your everyday routine? What if they lead to one big scandal one day? You should notice such changes in your relationship in time. Maybe it is banal, but, actually, this is one of the most useful couple therapy tips that will really save your relationship.

You don’t have sex

This can be a real problem that leads to a breakup. Over time, partners stop satisfying each other’s needs, they neither listen to each other nor want to make pleasant things, etc. Sometimes one partner turns down sex or uses it as a tool for manipulation. But even in this case, a professional can help cope with a problem.

Couple Therapy Techniques

A specialist may use one or several techniques in the course of working with a couple, depending on the source of the problem, its depth and the stage of the decision. This approach makes the therapeutic process more structured. There are several known couple therapy techniques. In the course of working with a certain couple, a specialist can use completely different methods of family therapy. This largely depends not only on the specifics of the problem or even on the characteristics of the couple itself but also on the stage that is currently being implemented in therapy. Thus, the phased implementation of a technique properly structures the treatment process in general, determines a certain approach, the choice of a particular method, and even the duration of the therapy.

Diagnostic technique

The first and initial technique of the whole therapy is the so-called “diagnostic technique.” Throughout its duration, a doctor tries to join the entire family team, literally gradually integrate into it by putting and testing various hypotheses and makes a general diagnosis in the final analysis.

Conflict resolution technique

After that, the conflict resolution technique takes place, during which a therapist, first of all, discovers a certain source, which is the root cause of the emerging conflict. Its elimination is achieved through the regulation of emotional responses from all family members who participate in the conflict. This state is achieved through the communication of partners with the therapist who establishes contact with them in advance. Thus, literally transmitting signals between partners, the specialist makes them form a common language that everyone can understand.

Technique of restoration or reconstruction

The next technique, which is considered to be the technique of restoration or reconstruction is a general and collective discussion of the existing problems. In addition, partners look for its solution together. Various exercises are also used to help all participants develop the necessary positive lines of behavior, the ability of adequate communication, and mutual respect.

Supporting technique

The last supporting technique implies simpler couple therapy exercises, the task of which is to consolidate or correct the skills obtained during the therapy. Evaluation of the results and further necessary consultation is also carried out.

Couple Therapy Questions

Take a look at this list of couple therapy questions. The more "yes" you give in response to the questions, the higher the likelihood that a specialist consultation will save your love.

1. Are there more good times than bad in your relationship?
If most of the time you are well with this person, everything can be overcome.

2. Can you forgive your partner?
When the problem is cheating or the like, it is not easy to forget everything and move on. But for a relationship to be strong, you need to be able to forgive.

3. Does the root of your conflict lie in the external cause?
If your relationship is influenced by an external factor that leads to stress, then remember that hard times will be over. You just need to support each other and stay together.

4. Do your basic life principles and aspirations coincide?
You can find a golden mean when it comes to household trifles, for example, what color to paint the kitchen. But there are fundamental differences that are much harder to resolve, for example, do you want to have children in the future? Should your soulmate earn money? Will you live in this apartment (city/country) all your life?

5. Are your relationships worth the effort that you put into keeping them?
Of course, some couples are initially more compatible than others, that's why their ties are much easier to preserve. Those who are not so perfect for each other have to make a lot of effort to cope with differences in opinion and lifestyle. This doesn’t mean that your union is not so sweet, it will just be harder for you to get used to each other, and you should be prepared for such a test.

How Much Does Couple Therapy Cost?

As you could already understand, a couple therapist is a specialist whose work is focused on helping find solutions to problems and providing an objective assessment of life situations. However, the cost of a consultation is one of the reasons for postponing a visit for later. After all, some people argue that it is expensive and meaningless. But psycho-emotional health is extremely important for building healthy relationships and achieving happiness. So, is your future worth such dubious savings? Of course, you will have to pay for a qualified consultation of a specialist. However, there are different costs for this consultation. The reason for this is the following criteria:

• the quality of education;
• practice experience;
• type of service provided.

So, how much does couples therapy cost? It is impossible to name the exact duration and cost of therapy for couples. It all depends on each case. However, at least three sessions are needed to identify the problem. As a rule, only a few weeks are enough for “recovery.” It may take years in more difficult situations. One hour of therapy cost approximately $100-250. But it all depends on your situation. Also, don’t forget about interpersonal relationships in a couple. Each person must have their own motivation. If one of the partners opposes, the process can be significantly delayed.

Couples use such therapy because of a variety of issues and problems in relationships. Many couples are embarrassed to go to specialists, but they should overcome their fear as soon as possible because it is connected with the fear of changing their lives and create something new in their relationship. This is a rather difficult step, and the more introversion prevails in patients, the more difficult it is for them to decide to undergo treatment. But does couples therapy work? Yes, it does. After several sessions, 94% of the couples happily continue to live in peace and harmony with each other because during the session, they are talking about what they feel and those things that torment their souls.