How to Stop Being Clingy in a Relationship

22.11.2018

What does clingy mean?

To be clingy means to be an intrusive person. This quality of personality is the tendency to offer their services, mediation, their society, topics of conversation, ignoring whether others want it or just tolerate. Intrusiveness bursts into the personal and intimate space of the opponent unceremoniously. A person should feel comfortable in one’s personal space. Most people understand this or feel subconsciously. A clingy person is a constant violator of personal space boundaries. Clingy person is boring to be in their society because of the lack of self-sufficiency. Spiritually poor people are obsessive, sad and unbearably boring to be on their own.

If there are any feelings, intrusiveness finishes them. In other words, intrusiveness is a finishing shot in a relationship. It does not give the "beloved" the right to choose, strictly regulating a taste for happiness. Intrusiveness is the concentration of energy on the desire to make the thoughts, feelings, emotions and behavior of another person a zone of control. It's a delusion.

Clingy people want always to take, demand and snatch. It is dangerous to be clingy, above all, because of the desire to drown out in the opponent the sixth sense and the voice of conscience. In some cases, intrusiveness can be explained by psychological dependence on another person. This is the desire to seize power over another one. There are those among us who constantly fear for loved ones and do not want to fight this fear. The imagination draws the most terrible pictures for such panic-mongers: here the husband left home for work, having forgotten to close the door, and the thieves already carried out a brand-new TV, not forgetting about the jewelry box. Or a daughter who did not answer one phone call doesn’t actually sit in class, but drinks beer in a bad company, because of which she’s not going to university in a few years and will miss the chance to realize herself.

They fear for everyone, and therefore they continually control whether all of their relatives are good. “Did you turn off the iron? Do you remember that today you have an appointment at the oculist’s? Have you had lunch?” It is not surprising that such intrusiveness annoys others. Another reason why we climb into someone else's life is the desire to be significant to someone. We want to feel our own importance, but with our actions we scare the closest and dearest people. If you are sure that you know better what your daughter should wear, what guys she should meet and what films she should watch, then be prepared that one day she will slam the door, finally saying something like: “I know how to live by myself , I’m not a child any more".

Subordinating everything that is happening around to total control is the dream of those who call relatives and friends, being interested in their affairs, advise how to act better (even when they are not asked to do so), say who is worth communicating, and from whom it is necessary to stay away, how to raise children, how to spend money, and what to buy in no case. Thus, they create the illusion that everything is subject to them and further development of events depends on them, there are no coincidences, it is they who decide everything. Needless to say that this behavior is pretty annoying, and people around want to break out from imaginary power. Every action gives rise to opposition. Thus, clingy people create the illusion that everything is subjected to them and further development of events depends on them, there are no coincidences, they are those who decide everything. Sometimes caring for one’s neighbor is only a cover for wanting to amuse one’s own ego. We want to be good for others, we are ready to help them at any time, to become a better listener. It is not surprising that a person who does not feel well, or one who has just quarreled with his wife, will not appreciate your perseverance, but will ask you to leave them alone.

Why am I so clingy?

“Am I being too clingy?” You will wonder why. Have you ever been so excited about new relationships or friendships that you pestered a person with attention, and in return that person simply moved away from you? Have you noticed that you want to call, write a text message or a letter to a person more often than they do in return? If so, then you probably have already discovered that obsession repels most people.

Clingy people are developing all the relationships at their own pace, so there is no need to strive to become "soul mates" quickly or "best friends forever" just because everything is great. Treasure the novelty of everything that is happening and the excitement of something new, because this feeling of novelty will not happen again. You may be nervous because you do not know how the relationship will unfold, but it's so interesting! Be patient and learn to enjoy this excitement.

Do not try to push the relationship further than it is ready to go, otherwise all the joy will disappear and stress will arise. If you had a wonderful Friday night, you want probably to repeat it as soon as possible. But, instead of calling a friend on Saturday morning to build new plans, wait a few days. Feel the fun time you spent and let your friend enjoy the memories too. When the time comes to hang out again, both of you will look forward to meeting each other, making the pastime even more enjoyable.

Part of the reason for someone being overly enthusiastic is our tendency to idealize another person at the very beginning of a relationship. When you first meet someone with whom you have a connection, it is very easy to plunge into fantasies about how beautiful your friendship or relationship can be. However, these fantasies lead to high expectations, which are unrealistic sometimes! Right now you think that you want to spend all your time with this person, but with this you only set yourself up for disappointment in the future. Constantly remind yourself that a new person in your life is just a person, that is, not perfect. They will make mistakes, and you need to be ready to deal with it and forgive, and not be shocked by the fact that a person is not able to be perfect.

No matter how close you are to a person, if you spend all your time together, it will begin to suppress. Even if a person loves you, she or he doesn’t want to be with you every second, day or night. If you find it difficult to be away from a person for even a few minutes, in the end it will turn into a big problem for you. Although it can be very hard, force yourself to retreat and give a person some free space. Spend a few days away separately, do things that you like and do not require communication for some time.

Sometimes people become so obsessed with a relationship that their control passes all reasonable boundaries. As you know, all people are mostly free beings who do not like strong control, especially when it comes to relationships with a partner. Of course, you are trying to be overly intrusive solely because you fear that your lover will deceive or betray. However, trust is the main component in a relationship. And if you are not confident completely in your partner, then you should not continue the relationship and torment yourself with endless jealousy. Here are the main signs of excessive intrusiveness:

Constant fear of being abandoned

This is completely worthless if the partners are constantly worried that they will be abandoned. Not all people are ready to love and cherish those who are unsure of themselves and their forces. And besides, such complexes are often manifested in the form of obsession. People love self-confident personalities who are not afraid of losing their beloved just because they feel that they are not worthy.

Pile of plans

Some individuals love to show their intrusiveness in the most sophisticated and unloved way: making plans. And they never agree with their own intentions of the partner. For instance, it turns out that the girl simply presents new information as a fait accompli: “Today we are going to my mom and I don't care.” As a result, the man begins to resist such pressure from his beloved. Each person can have their own plans, and action must always be coordinated.

Insulation

There are girls who are ready to sacrifice themselves in the name of a relationship. They do not leave home without proper chaperon in the face of their beloved, they deny themselves the pleasure of meeting friends, relatives and friends. They do not call or text anyone, concentrating their lives solely around one living creature: him. Some men begin to perceive it as a sign of servility and frankly take advantage of it. And some simply escape from such obsession.

Games in special agents

Girls who do not read e-mail and SMS of their partners, should simply be proud of themselves, since the majority of the fair sex very often go down to this primitive step. Why do this? To make sure that he does not correspond with anyone. Checking e-mail and reading SMS broke a lot of hearts. Trust must be paramount.

How not to be clingy in a relationship

Many guys wonder how to not be so clingy. How to stop being them? This problem is especially relevant for them. How to behave actively and not be intrusive? You do not want to impose, but you have to show activity. The goal of activity is to captivate a person. And the goal of obsession is actually to impose oneself, that is, to get stuck on a person. It is clear that clingy people may not feel that they are dependent. Nobody wants to think badly of themselves. But this is exactly what is happening. All the activity of the clingy comes down to the fact that they want to break through or push through the personal boundaries of another person and stick to someone to solve one's own problems. This is what is so annoying in clingy people that we don’t like them. Quite another normal human activity has a completely different vector: it is aimed not at attacking the personal boundaries of a person, but at some own goal.

In human communications, in fact, everything is very simple. If you like something, it means that they see the desire to give something away.

The two main mistakes made by people who are trying to communicate on topics that are interesting to people are:

1. Questions

You should like a person very much, that is, they should strive with all their might to get closer to you, so that to have a wish to spend time answering your questions. Answering questions is a waste of energy, not receiving. This is the satisfaction of your need, but not your partner’s. A person must have a motive to spend energy on you. If they are not interested in close communication, do not ask any questions. Either they push that away immediately, or become tired quickly.

2. Discussions

The discussion with you should make your sweetheart happy. In all other cases, your partner feels annoyed that you are dragging them into an argument, especially a silly argument, and if you are not in the subject, the argument will be definitely stupid, do not hesitate. But even if you are sure that you are in the subject line, your confidence is not enough, the person must also be sure of this. And still it can tire them. That person is not the initiator of the dispute, but you are. So you are the aggressor. Therefore, do not ask questions or discuss if you want to join the interests of the person beautifully.

The only way is to look for the point of intersection of your interests and the interests of your match. The place where your knowledge, skills, ideas, thoughts, attitudes, jokes, assessments can be attractive to them. Direct your activity there, do not attack the interests of the person. Strain the intellect, as the intersection may be in the most unexpected place. But if you find this place, you can be active without fear of looking intrusive. And the person will be glad of your activity. This activity will decorate you in their eyes, show that you are smart, interesting, useful, and not clingy, as if you began to demand attention from them to your person that is not interested in them.

How to stop being a clingy boyfriend

Intrusiveness really spoils the relationship. Sometimes we suffer from lack of attention so much that by our attention we just start to get our companion. And our relationship spoils too much. Let's try to understand this problem. The less we love girls, the more they love us — indeed, it makes sense. After all, when we start to pay a lot of attention, it bothers the girl, and she communicates reluctantly with us. No matter how much you want to give a lot of attention to the girl, you must understand that everyone appreciates a measure. Therefore, try to pay attention.

No need to strain the girl - the girl should feel more free, so it’s unnecessary to call her a hundred times a day. After all, it really bothers. You do not like when parents call you all the time. Likewise, the girl does not like. This is starting to strain her.

Keep a distance. You should not be overwhelmed by emotions from the fact that you did not have a girlfriend. You just scare her away. Most likely she will think that you are an unstable person. Patience. You should be able to tolerate the fact that the girl need time to think sometimes. You must be able to endure some of her pranks.

Free time. You need to let the girl feel a certain freedom in the relationship. Having free time, it is not always worth calling a girl and it’s not clear what to say. You need to give the girl some rest from you. A lot of fights arise from the fact that people do not give each other time for themselves. Even to digest your information takes time. The girl wants to be alone a little, to talk to her friend, to take a walk with the dog, to think about some things, and not give you 100% of the time. You need to be a little unpredictable. Girls like guys who know how to surprise them pleasantly. Therefore, from time to time you need to make small gifts and give flowers or even take your companion somewhere. It will make you romantic and less clingy.