Why Am I Afraid of Sex?

01.02.2019

Am I afraid of having sex? All people who've reached sexual puberty assert that sex is great, and we must strive for its perfection. It turns out that many of us are afraid of sex that does not allow to relax completely and have full sex. Almost everyone feels some thrill or even fear in anticipation of the first intimate contact with a new partner. This is normal. There is another, a more severe form of such fears, which makes people either completely abandon sexual relations or enter into them with great tension. It occurs quite often. Unfortunately, I am afraid of having sex and referring to the type of girls who have the phobia, which is called “erotophobia.”

afraid of sex and intimacy

Erotophobia is most often based on the psychological problems of a person. In most cases, it is some kind of psychotrauma related to sex. For example, a girl can avoid a first sexual contact because she is completely inexperienced in these matters. This is normal and can hardly be called erotophobia because with age it will probably pass. I'm afraid to have sex for completely different reasons.

1. Sexual assault

It is quite understandable that so terrible cases are always associated with humiliation and very strong stress. Such psychological traumas cannot do without consequences if they are not worked out with a good psychologist. And such consequences sometimes are just fatal. When a man tries to touch me, I immediately remember the details of the rape, which force me to relive the horror of those events again.

2. Rudeness and offensive words of a man

Once I felt worthless, unable to please anyone. Then I started looking for flaws in myself: excess weight, cellulite, a not very attractive body, face, and so on. Fear of sex has been going after me for many years.

3. Upbringing

Often my parents suggested to me that having sex is bad because they wanted to protect me from early sexual intercourse. The matter is that my father is too jealous of me when it's about other men. I have been imbued since a very young age that sex is a threat to me. I will have sexual intercourse with a man only if there is a passport endorsement, and only if he really insists on it.

afraid to have sexSigns of Being Afraid of Sex

Fear of sex is not always noticeable to others and can manifest itself in different ways. A person can completely abandon sex and even talk about it. In this case, it will be about erotophobia. Sometimes with genophobia, on the contrary, promiscuous sex is observed. As a rule, this is due to childhood psychological trauma, which has caused fear of long-term relationships with one partner. Sexual desire and libido are preserved. Acute sexual manifestations of fear appear suddenly and dynamically: a person begins to worry during sexual contact.

A painful condition lasts for several minutes or sometimes for several days, accompanied by anxiety, panic, and disorders of a vegetative nature. Manifestations, delayed for a long period, cause mental illness. A painful condition may occur periodically and be accompanied by temporary disorders (mental, hormonal, hypoglycemic disorders).

How to distinguish a single manifestation of fear from a phobia? Experts talk about a phobia only if there is a system. You should worry when the fear becomes pathological, and you can no longer cope with it on your own. If a phobia interferes with living a full life and having the pleasure of sexual intercourse, the help of a specialist is required.

It is very important to identify the problem in time and act. For this, you need to know the symptoms of the disease state. There are some sings.

  • constant reluctance to think about sex and everything connected with it;
  • fear of being naked before sex;
  • nightmares of sexual experiences;
  • fear (horror, panic) when feeling excitement;
  • aggression to the person who perceives you as an object of sexual desires, although this person is quite suitable for the role of a lover;
  • fear when trying to hug, kiss a loved one, expressed in chills, fever, tension;
  • sex seems to be something dangerous, and the thought of pregnancy is generally unacceptable, despite the fact that you are bound by the law.

In some people, the fear does not manifest itself or is carefully hidden. In women, genophobia can be the result of psychological and physical factors, while men are afraid of sex solely for psychological reasons:

  • erectile dysfunction and unsuccessful sexual acts in the past;
  • despotic education by the mother, which caused the fear of being dependent on the woman;
  • the fear of failure during sexual intercourse;
  • inferiority complex;
  • the rejection of a particular woman or the fear of opening up to the female sex as a whole;
  • the fear of blood can make a man be afraid of sex with a virgin or fear of sexual intimacy during the menstruation of a partner;
  • the fear of becoming infected with a sexually transmitted disease.

It is worth noting that a man is afraid of sex equally with a woman, especially if it is the first sexual intercourse. Often people avoid sex due to accompanying phobias, for example, thixophobia (fear of other people's touch) or heterophobia (fear of the opposite sex).

My Wife Is Afraid of Sex

Sometimes it happens that in a married life men complaint about their sexual life. They say with disappointment, “My wife is afraid of sex!”

From the psychological point of view, it is admitted that such a fear is a terrible phenomenon, which requires certain treatment. The main causes of sexual phobias in marriage include the aggressive behavior of men, and the presence of sexual perversions (sadism, sadomasochism, masochism, etc.).

Let's consider the frequent reasons of the women's fear of sexual life in marriage.

1. The post-natal period

The pregnancy and the first months of baby's life often becomes a happy time in the life of most married couples. And yet, in these months, many spouses are forced to face some limitations in intimate life. Not every husband understands this situation, which gives rise to conflicts in the family and repels the woman more. Note that abstaining from sex during pregnancy is not a woman's caprice but a serious recommendation of the doctor! Do not forget that each organism is individual. Sometimes a woman can be afraid of intimacy with her spouse without the guidance of a gynecologist. Perhaps she intuitively feels that this will not have the best effect on the pregnancy, or her libido has gone down, and she just does not want sex.

2. External stress (problems at work, with children or any objective difficulties)

A woman embraced by various experiences is not interested in intimacy. Due to the peculiarities of the female psyche, she simply cannot mentally separate sensual pleasures from solving current problems. Even if she agrees to have sex under pressure from a man, the joy of this will be little. And the thing is that now she doesn't feel to be a woman in the erotic sense of the word but a caring mother (daughter, relative, employee, etc.). And this is not the state in which she is able to enjoy bodily love and give it to her partner as well.

3. Internal stress (off season, weather fluctuations, melancholy, etc.)

When a woman feels fatigue and her mood is unreasonably bad, the desire for intimacy in a woman decreases. She doesn`t physically need a man’s shoulder, warmth, and support. In other words, she feels like an independent woman.

How to Stop Being Afraid of Sex?

A sexual phobia is a serious pathology, so it is impossible to cope with it on your own. The best way out is to visit a doctor. Delaying the problem can only aggravate it, and it will be difficult to get rid of it forever. The main method of treatment is psychotherapy, which can be supplemented with sedatives or antidepressants. Fear of intimacy is associated with psycho-traumatic circumstances of childhood.

If the root cause of fear in women is pain and discomfort during intimacy, it is recommended to be examined by a gynecologist. Fear of sex can be overcome if you enter into intimacy for the first time in a relaxed atmosphere, having reached sexual arousal and only when both partners are mentally prepared for it. To avoid frightening thoughts about STDs or pregnancy, you should use contraception.

Overcoming the fear of having sex is possible with the following procedures.

1. Fear is transferable to paper

If there is no opportunity or desire to talk to relatives, you should write down all the features of your fear in detail. It is necessary to write as if you open the soul to the best friend. But you can make it even easier, drawing your fear. All this will get rid of internal tension and initiates positive emotions. The procedure can be repeated many times until a positive result will be achieved.

2. Work on self-esteem

The main goal is to feel like a full person. Say goodbye to distortions in self-perception. This methodology is focused on the elaboration of negative thoughts and prejudices about yourself. It is necessary to remember situations where someone felt full confidence in abilities and most positively assessed oneself. As soon as uncertainty and a negative assessment of oneself arise, it is necessary to say goodbye to them and focus on the positive situations and manifestations that are suggested.

3. Direct “meeting” with fear

People who are afraid of intimacy must pass through what scares them. The more they resist and avoid the dreadful situations and events, the bigger the fear is. It is necessary to analyze every detail of the situation.

The Fear of Anal Sex

The internal constraint of the girl and distrust of the partner can create fear of experimenting in bed. Traditional sexual intercourse can still be experienced, but oral and anal sex are already becoming a problem. It is necessary to discuss this moment together and try to get rid of complexes and fears. A loving and patient partner will help you with it. And one more thing, try to set yourself up for experiments because you can enjoy the offer very much.

I am afraid of sexIt is no surprise that most women are afraid of anal sex. As a rule, the fear of anal sex is evidenced by the moral and psychological perception of this process. For many women, anal intercourse is comparable to a dirty and shameful affair. But fears about the occurrence of possible injuries and physical pain are in second place and are less repulsive.

A woman does not know much about anal sex, and she is convinced that she does not need to do it. It is worth remembering that anal sex has been mentioned many times in the history of mankind. Ever since the days of ancient civilization, this kind of sex was revered in love games between a man and a woman.

Such fears have a very high barrier, which is very difficult to cross. Here the recovery and the desire to try again such sex may take months or even years. But even after long efforts, it is not always possible to find a compromise on this delicate issue. Most often, this situation occurs at a time when an inept or aggressive man tried to engage in anal sex with a woman without proper skills and training.

Of course, the pain threshold of women is much lower than men’s, but in this case, you should not close your eyes and try to continue to have anal sex by force because it leads to a woman’s dissatisfaction and complete unwillingness to repeat it again. Anal sex is a sensual pleasure that should give a woman much more pleasure than vaginal sex. Therefore, it is not worth doing this quickly and forcibly. If the partner does everything right and is not in a hurry, the woman will offer him anal sex later on. If the fear of sexual intimacy has suddenly arisen in one of the partners, the problem must be taken seriously. It is important to find the exact cause of the phobia. Experts do not recommend leaving the problem unsolved since the fear is a completely unnatural phenomenon that spoils the life of many people. In addition, you should remember that any phobia should not be left without treatment. As a matter of fact, the phobia leads to the development of more severe mental disorders.