How to Fix a Broken Relationship?

08.02.2019

This is an overall guide on how to fix your relationship for all those desperate. When our love is confronted in head-on with betrayal, disappointment, and a loss of hope, then only pain and emptiness remain inside. In order to describe this condition, they've invented a beautiful image - a heart shattered in pieces. Is it possible to mend a broken heart? How to heal a relationship?

Family life requires great patience from the partners, which lacks more and more every day. Petty quarrels develop into scandals, resentment turns into chronic hostility. Many couples stay together only because small children grow up, and this method sometimes works. However, how to keep love and respect, which are the main components of a strong marriage?

When a crisis comes, you want to slam the door and start living again. Before burning bridges, answer two main questions.

1. Do you love your partner?
2. Are you happy in a relationship?

Throw away extraneous thoughts, concentrate only on your emotions and most importantly, do not lie to yourself. If you understand that:

1. you don’t have feelings,
2. you don't want to wake up together in the morning,
3. you have no desire to smile at each other,
4. the partner constantly humiliates you, they are rude, or they periodically assault, then it's time to put an end.

If you answer that you still love her/him, but something has gone wrong (treason, quarrels, claims, disrespect), you need to think and find out why it's happened? Is this your fault? And are you ready to forgive and live on?

Four Problems Breaking Down a Relationship

1. Cheating

Cause: for some people, having love affairs is an acceptable version of "polygamy," others cheat because marital sex has become a routine.

2. Loss of sexual desire

Cause: approximately 35% of women and 20% of men have no desire to have sex regularly. Physiological problems (postpartum depression, menopause, birth control pills, thrush, addictions, chronic diseases) and psychological (personality crisis, low self-esteem, problems with a partner) can lead to a decrease in sexual desire.

3. Trust and respect are gone

Cause: first, behind the phrase, "I do not care!" is an offense, but gradually the use of that phrase leads to the fact that you really become uninteresting in a partner.

4. Absence of children

Cause: the problem may be related to the health of one of the partners. But more often a woman wants to become a mother, and her chosen one is not in a hurry.

How to Heal a Relationship after a Fight?

How often people come to a psychologist with a story about their partner who has become a "different person"? In this article, we won’t talk about making a partner the way they used to be as well as about the fact that we are annoyed by someone's traits. We want to speculate about something entirely else.

Let’s suppose that a person has really become not as good as before. Well, let's say your partner used to drink once a month, and now this happens 3-4 times a week. Alcohol addiction has arisen and slowly begun to progress. Or they never raised a hand to their spouse before, but now they do that, and it’s good if it is only a hand. Just visit traumatology, and you will see that everything happens. Or if they used to work before, then the last couple of years have been devoted to lying on the couch. Or if earlier a partner treated you respectfully and gently, then now they neglect and use obscene language.

The following formula will allow you to heal your relationship. It may be hard to find proper words, to start all over again, but all challenges are worth being with someone you love. So above all, remember these rules.

• It is important to be sincere, any falsity is recognized on the non-verbal level.
• Take responsibility for your actions and their consequences.
• You should talk about YOUR feelings.
• Do not give assessments of the behavior of another person, and never shift responsibility and blame for what happened to them.
• For example, the idea that “I cheated on you because you refused to have sex with me” does not help advance towards the goal.
• It is better to make a conversation in person. Begin it with the words, “It is important for me to tell you this, please hear me out and do not interrupt.” If you cannot meet, then write a letter and ask them to read it to the end.

How to Save a Relationship after a Breakup/ Fight?

Formula: “Forgive - Thank - Love”

We give an approximate plan of conversation. Pick your words, keeping the meaning of what was said.

Forgiveness: when asking for forgiveness, it is important to clearly state what was wrong and specifically why you ask for forgiveness. Forget phrases like, “I don’t know what my fault is, but you are offended, so forgive me” this does not work! Guilt is an inoperative tool. The message to ask for forgiveness is that "I have offended you, and it is important for me to correct it."

A Technology of Appealing to a Person with an Apology

It is important to say the following.

1. Specify for what action, deed, words you apologize, and how you caused the hurt. For example, I realize that undermined your trust in me, having offended you.

2. Provide a brief explanation of what has been done. It is important to take responsibility for the act instead of just wearing sackcloth and ashes. For example, I was angry/drunk/miserable, that's why I hurt you. I thought you’d forgive it as always. Don't say, “I am a fool/ass/ goat, and the demon has beguiled me” because self-deprecation and irresponsibility destroy relationships, but not restore!

3. Express empathy, "I see that you feel bad, I'm aware of your pain."

4. Tell how you are going to fix a broken relationship. Suggest a number of specific actions that, from your point of view, can improve your relationship. This does not mean "make amends or make sacrifices." Do not take on impracticable commitments, think carefully about what you are ready to do without a sense of humiliation. If you have promised something, then do it. For example, "I am ready to pick you up from work, spend the day off together, and go to the grocery store."

5. Take an interest in the opinion of a loved one, "In your opinion, how to heal a broken relationship, what can I do?"

6. Notify them that you have a certain strategy that will allow you not to do this anymore.

For example, "If a similar situation arises, I will call you to remind how important the relationship with you is and will go for a walk after returning home to get rid of my anger or the remains of a bad day."

THANK: Thank for what was valuable and important in your relationship.

• I thank you for the wonderful time we spent together.
• I thank you for your concern, attention, love, caress.
• I thank you for delicious dinners, great sex, cleanliness, and order in the apartment.

Surely, if you think about it, you will have a big list of thanks to your loved one. Write down, so as not to get confused when talking.

LOVE: I appreciate the relationship with you, and you are very dear to me, important and valuable, I love you. This formula is universal: it allows you to create new relationships or restore destroyed ones. Use and be happy!

How to Heal a Relationship after Cheating?

How to heal a relationship after cheating is quite a question. Figuring out suddenly that your partner has cheated on you is a great burden. Sure, the attitude to cheating varies in different countries and mentalities, as well as different people will react to this news in a variety of ways. There are couples who consider that living in the 21st century means that you have to face the demands and needs of modern society with its temptations and get over some troubles, happening while living together with somebody. There exist women who have been told since childhood that every man needs to have a love affair, and this is just their nature. Some persons tend to blame themselves in problems, arising in the family. We are not Gods to judge others by our own understanding of life.

The formula given above is absolutely universal as it’s been said. You can use it in different situations from a usual family fight to cheating, as sometimes the hurt and pain from verbal insults and mental abuse may be even more disastrous than from knowing that your partner cheated on you being as drunk as a skunk.

But the main question still remains the same, "What to do if you have faced cheating, and how to heal a relationship after an affair?"

If the partner has acknowledged the fact of cheating, but they don't want a divorce, consider whether you can forgive this incident. And the less you know the details about the opponent, the easier it is to do. A relationship needs to be restored, preferably in tandem with a good specialist. You can make the right conclusions and start living even better than before. Do you remember the movie Love and Doves? It is a beautiful illustration of this topic. The fact of surviving infidelity still remains unchanged, but if you’re happy, who cares?

How to Heal a Codependent Relationship?

In general, psychologists distinguish three main steps towards finding a broken peace in the family. Following them, you might be able to save your relationship, heal broken hearts, and keep the psyche of children healthy. True, this requires serious spiritual work of both of you, but anyway, it's worth a try!

As you know, family life is not an eternal celebration and sheer romance. Unfortunately, most of us are catastrophically unprepared for this discovery. If your relationship is cracked, you should know that you are not alone. Only in America, every second family faces this problem sooner or later.

Those few who declare their absolute family happiness and perfect marital understanding are either liars or take medicine and therefore, everything seems to them, to say the least, joyful. But the problem is not about difficulties in family life but about how much you and your partner are devoted to each other and are ready to overcome these issues together.

Three Main Steps How to Heal a Painful Relationship

1. Recognize the seriousness of the problem

If one person is experiencing a crisis, then the crisis is experiencing your relationship. Too often, one partner suffers from misunderstanding every day, while another one does not want to notice anything, living in blind ignorance and refusing the seriousness of the problem. If such a situation is delayed for too long, your beloved may lose patience and courage to the most unforeseen actions, such as cheating or even a divorce. Believe us, both people are always guilty of all family problems and quarrels. For a relationship to succeed, both pf you must try. If it fails, both partners should be blamed.

2. Do not wait until the situation resolves itself but act!

Most couples stay out of action for too long and come to their senses only when it’s too late to save the relationship. While they are idle, mutual insults, reproaches, misunderstanding as well as irritation grow like a snowball and eventually reach such proportions that it is impossible to cope with them, and none of the partners is ready to forgive another one and take the first step towards reconciliation. In rare cases, couples still decide to contact a family counselor, but the pain is so strong that it cannot be overcome.

3. Be prepared to self-critically assess yourself

In the fragile family life, partners accurately know the shortcomings of the opposite side and place all the blame on them. Undoubtedly, this is very valuable information, but this is only half of the picture. If you do not learn to take responsibility for mistakes and family problems, your relationship is doomed to collapse.

Can Time Heal a Broken Relationship?

They say that everything in life is not in vain, and it seems even that all is for the better. But when a relationship with a loved one cracks, then there is no place for philosophical reasoning. Hands down, our whole being plunges into suffering. And like a broken record, you start endlessly scrolling through pictures of your life together. Many couples face problems during relationship as time goes and people often remain the same. If your relationship is broken, ask yourself a question first of all, "Do you want it to mend or are you just scared of the changes to come?" Will time heal a broken relationship? Definitely yes, we say, if both of you want to fix it, but if you are not ready to sacrifice some of your views, bad habits, whatever, then nothing will change. You know, there is a saying that a broken cup is possible to be glued, not a broken heart.

We have mentioned a lot of tips on how to heal a broken relationship, but one thing must be written as well - sometimes you just have to leave. Take the best memories with you, thank for all the years spent together, give a kiss to remember, pack your suitcases and go. Let yourself and your partner be happy once more. Even after leaving 20 years together, you still have a life of your own. Nothing will collapse if one morning you decide to never return home. The world is full of interesting places to visit and people to meet, don’t waste opportunities by trying to fix what is broken forever. We wish you all a long and happy life!