Choosing Between Two Women: How to Make the Right Decision

15.12.2017

While some men cannot find themselves a single girlfriend, others do not know how to cope with a much more serious problem: how to choose between two women? And if about the first topic there is a huge amount of information on the Internet, then the second is practically not discussed on the Internet. What I can say, even in the company of friends such topic is often perceived as bragging. But this situation is not fantastic. This really happens. And today we will tell you what to do if life has put you in front of such a difficult choice.

Can a Man Love Two Women: Psychological Insight

Can a man love two women? Yes, he can. Before considering this problem in the psychological aspect, I would like to ask the opinion of my most beloved and experienced adviser - history. I did not have to look for information for too long: for thousand years, individual cultures practiced and some of them are still practicing polygamy. Men like to collect harems around themselves. And this tendency is characteristic not only of rich men. Some poor men, who can hardly maintain one wife and two children, actually have at least one other family. History makes an unequivocal verdict: a man can be in love with two women at the same time. And sometimes three or more. But what kind of love is this? Is it real? Or is it just lust?

As a tuning fork that will adjust you to the right mood, I would like to tell a story from my life. One day at a seminar on family psychology, one of the speakers asked the audience a question: "I ask you to be extremely frank. Please, raise your hands if you, being married, simultaneously fell in love with another person."

In the hall, where there were men and women with solid family experience, a lot of hands were raised. I would say that just several people did not respond to the request. "And now I ask to raise the hands of those who, because of this love, left the family."

This time, not a single hand was in the air, and the speaker said: "I will be happy to speak to such a truly adult audience." If "truly adult" people are so unanimous in relation to falling in love, where does the question arise - can you love two women at the same time? Psychology has its own opinion on this problem.

To begin with, there is a big difference between the psychology of a young guy and an adult man. The feeling of falling in love with two women at the same time is quite typical of a young man who was still a boy yesterday, and tomorrow he will become a man. This feeling is connected with the search. Trying to love two women at the same time actually has a different goal from the one we think about. Getting into this situation, a young person unconsciously builds the image of an ideal companion of life. If one of the two girls matches this image more than the other, his choice is obvious. If none of the two girls can satisfy his requirements, which he himself has not yet realized, he will soon forget them and switch to the third option. The state of falling in love with two women is simultaneously quite natural for a young guy. All psychologists agree with this statement.

Non-indifference to two women and love for two women are two completely different issues in psychology. Despite the liking for a few girlfriends, a man must decide with which of them he feels more comfortable - confident, caring man or devoted dog, depending on the mood of the hostess. Can you be in love with two people? Many men often make hasty conclusions and take affection for love, or even just a sexual attraction. Even the ancient Greeks understood psychology and knew that despite the similarity of sensations, these feelings cannot be called the same:

• Liking, no matter how strong it seemed at first glance, is short-lived, and very soon a loved one can become a stranger.
• Liking, as it is characterized by psychology, yearns for emotional pleasures, draws passionate scenes of intimacy in fantasies ("the interlacing of hands, the plexus of the legs"), makes you "lose consciousness" from the voice of the beloved, dwarfs the mind and takes away the ability to control yourself, which is close to obsession.
• Love craves happiness not only for itself, it shows concern and interest in the object of love as a person, looks forward not seeking benefits even in emotional terms, but assuming long coexistence in all circumstances.
• A man who is truly in love falls asleep and wakes up with thoughts of the beloved, his heart and every cell is filled with dreams and plans where only she is present. In such a heart there is no place for any other woman. He does not wake up with the thought: I love two women. What should I do?
• If a man is tormented by doubts and he tries to figure out how he can love two women at the same time, psychology sees the explanation that man doesn’t know what is true love and simply seeks to justify his insolvency.

If we summarize all the studies carried out on this topic, we can draw a fairly simple conclusion: a mature man may have sympathy for two women and more, but he can love only one of them. The main thing is to be able to understand your feelings. If you feel that the thoughts about one girl evoke a strong sexual attraction, a poetic mood and a desire to touch her as soon as possible, and the thoughts of another girl evoke a feeling of peace, coziness, a desire to make plans, then you are faced with a simple choice: to stay with the one who seems just nice to you or with the one that you really love.

Choosing Between Two Women: a Checklist

Life would not be so interesting if everything in the world was subject to certain rules without exceptions. So, there are exceptions in cases when a man is choosing between two women too. Completely mature and responsible men, facing a choice between two women, make a terrible conclusion: the advice of psychologists will not help them. After all, each of the two ladies evokes a desire to make plans, raise children, take care of her every day. And this is not the passion, it's a real feeling of love. What to do in this situation? How to choose between two women? We recommend you to forget about the lyrics, romance and other nonsense at least for a while. Only pragmatic, rational approach can help you. Any business coach would advise you to make a checklist. How I would not like to admit it, but it's a good advice. I even made a checklist for you.

So you like two girls. Perhaps you date with one of them, maybe you like both of them, or maybe both of them...do not like you. Yes, this also happens. I would like to look at you in this situation, mate.

But let's assume that you are right and you two charming beauties like you. They expect you to decide who you want to be with. You decide the fate of living people. It's almost like in your favorite RPG, only for real. Take it seriously.

1. What are you looking for? Adventure? Peace? Sex? Problems? Maybe you're not looking for anything? Think carefully about all these questions. Perhaps now you need to concentrate on your career. Perhaps you need some stability or ease that only one of the girls can give you? What do you need? As soon as you answer this question (just play fair, mate), go to the next point.

2. Analyze your relationship with each girl. Imagine that you are as clever and perceptive as Sigmund Freud. Now all modern psychotherapists will start to spit at me, but I suggest you to do self-examination. Think with which girl you are conducting more interesting conversations. Consider who is funnier, who inspires you to try something new. Think about which girl you can trust. Perhaps, with one of the girls you are very happy, but you do not see yourself in a serious relationship with her. If you want to learn how to decide between two women, you should learn something about yourself first.

3. How do you feel with each of them? Like a Superman? Nitwit? Gangster? Professor of Philology? Which of these sensations is closest to your own image of the ideal self? The answer to these questions will help you understand with whom it is more advantageous for you to be in the long-term perspective. Yes, it's cynical, but it's you who is so loving, not me. I just give advice on how to choose between two women you love.

4. Be honest with yourself. If you can’t bring yourself to say the final "Yes!" to any of the girls, then perhaps you should not start a serious relationship with either of them. You should not force yourself to a serious relationship, but you need to understand why it's so hard for you to choose.

5. Look for alternative options. Perhaps none of these girls are looking for something serious. Maybe you, too, are not looking for anything serious. This is an intermediate point. Pit-stop for Don Juan. So, did you think well? Are you not interested in alternative options? Then we continue.

6. Make a list. Write a separate column for each girl and list as many of their positive qualities as possible. If you find any qualities that both girls possess, cross them off. Take a closer look at the unique qualities and compare which ones you like more. The girl with the most of the good unique characteristics may be the one you should choose. You can also make a list of negative qualities, and in this case you should choose a girl with the least number of negative characteristics. Just look at yourself, what a rationalist you are. Almost like Immanuel Kant! Deciding between two women is a task for a real philosopher.

7. You can make a small lyrical digression. Listen to your heart. Roxette told it once and I would like to repeat. It is a really useful advice. Remember that the list is just an instrument. Do not make a decision based on the numbers, it is better to use these numbers to better understand what you are feeling. One of the girls can look great on paper, but that does not mean that you are really attracted to her. If it seems to you that there is something wrong with the rationalist approach, then perhaps rationalists are mistaken. After you have listed all the positive and negative qualities, think about how much in reality you like each of the girls.

By the way, you can use this approach to choose between two things, not only between two girls. The problem of choosing between two girls is not as complicated as it seems. Most likely, one you like, and the other you love. If you still have doubts, use my checklist. But remember the most important thing: if you do not make a choice, someone will make it for you. Act now and everything will be cool. Good luck!